No Place Like London

[ANTHONY]
I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders
From the Dardanelles
To the mountains of Peru
But there's no place like London!
I feel home again
I could hear the city bells ring
Whatever I would do
No, there's no place—

[TODD]
No, there's no place like London

[ANTHONY]
Mr. Todd, sir…?

[TODD]
You are young
Life has been kind to you
You will learn

(spoken)
So, Anthony, it is here we go our separate ways. Farewell. I will not soon forget the good ship Bountiful or the young man who saved my life

[BEGGAR WOMAN]
Alms! Alms!
For a miserable woman
On a miserable chilly morning
Thank you, sir, thank you

'Ow would you like a little muff, dear
A little jig jig
A little bounce around the bush?
Wouldn't you like to push me parsley?
It looks to me, dear
Like you got plenty there to push

Alms! Alms!
For a pitiful woman
Wot's got wanderin' wits...
Hey, don't I know you, mister?

[TODD, spoken]
Off with you, woman. Off I said! Leave!

[BEGGAR WOMAN]
Then 'ow would you like to
Split me muff, mister?
We'll go jig jig
A little—

[TODD, spoken]
Off, I said. To the devil with you!

[BEGGAR WOMAN]
Alms! Alms!
For a desperate woman...

[ANTHONY, spoken]
Pardon me, sir, but there's no need to fear the likes of her. She's only a half-crazed beggar woman. London's full of them. Mr Todd, sir?

[TODD, spoken]
What is it?

[ANTHONY, spoken]
If you need any help, or money, or anything-

[TODD]
No!
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And its morals aren't worth what a pig would spit
And it goes by the name of London
At the top of the hole sit the privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo
Turning beauty into filth and greed, I too
Have sailed the world and seen its wonders
For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru
But there's no place like London!

There was a barber and his wife
And she was beautiful
A foolish barber and his wife
She was his reason and his life
And she was beautiful
And she was virtuous
And he was naive

There was another man who saw
That she was beautiful
A pious vulture of the law
Who with a gesture of his claw
Removed the barber from his plate
Then there was nothing but to wait
And she would fall
So soft
So young
So lost
And oh, so beautiful!

[ANTHONY (spoken)]
And the lady, sir, did she succumb?

[TODD]
Oh, that was many years ago…
I doubt if anyone would know
(spoken)
Now leave me, Anthony, I beg of you. There's somewhere I must go, something I must find out. Now. And alone

[ANTHONY, spoken]
But surely, we will meet again before I'm off to Plymouth?

[TODD, spoken]
You'll find me if you want to, down around Fleet Street I wouldn't wander

[ANTHONY, spoken]
Until then, Mr Todd

[TODD]
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it…