No One Remembers Achmed

Soldiers: (Alternating)
In your homeland you're a legend
All the people know your name
On the battlefield and off you are superior

Achmed:
(Spoken) I know.
In the kingdom, though, I'm finding
that my only claim to fame
is an incident involving my posterior

Soldiers:
Posterior

Achmed:
(Spoken) Please.
I've won scores of bloody wars
And mopped the floors with my foes
But no one remembers Achmed

I've eviscerated peasants
From their heads down to their toes
But no one remembers Achmed

Say my name in these parts
And you'll get a vacant stare
Until you mention tigers
Or spotted underwear

Soldiers:
Spotted underwear

Achmed:
So to restore my repute
As a fierce fearsome brute,
There's only one route I see

Arrange the slaughter of millions
Of innocent civilians
Then they'll remember me

(Dialogue)

Soldiers: (Alternating) (Achmed:)
Caked in mud or drenched in blood
You smell as fresh as a flower
((Spoken) Yes...)
But no one remembers Achmed

You can pleasure sixty concubines
In only an hour
((Spoken) Less!)
But no one remembers Achmed

Achmed:
Back home I was a hero
Ladies trembled when I spoke
But here the women treat me
Like a throwaway joke

Soldiers:
Throw him away

Achmed:
I'm a god on Earth but darnit
Even deities incarnate
Now and then can feel a little insecure

Soldiers:
Insecure

Achmed:
All I want is some affection
This rejection's almost
Too much to endure...

Soldiers:
To endure
Look at all he must endure

(Dialogue)

Soldiers:
You ooze sex when you flex
Those impeccable pecs

Achemd:
But the princess rejects me still

She may not love me yet
But I'm willing to bet
That once I kill all her people she will...

Soldiers:
Yes she will
Yes she absolutely will

Achmed:
Let them laugh, that's just fine
But the last laugh will be mine

All:
'Cause they can't laugh when they're all dead

I'll make them all regret
The day they chose to forget

Achmed:
(Spoken) What's that name everyone?

Soldiers:
Tiger-fucker!

Achmed:
(Spoken) No! Like I said, what's that name?

Soldiers:
You're the cock of the walk
With abs as hard as a rock
Nevermore will they mock you Achmed

Soldier:
He fucked a tiger

Achmed:
(Spoken) I did not fuck a tiger!

Soldiers:
They'll remember Achmed...
They'll remember Achmed...
They'll remember Achmed...

Achmed:
They'll remember me...

Soldiers:
Tiger fucker
Tiger fucker
Achmed is a tiger fucker!

They'll remember Achmed
The tiger fucking man!