No Me Meto [Workshop]

[USNAVI]
8:30 on a Saturday Night in Washington Heights
I’d rather be watching the fights
I’d rather be shaking my raggedy ass in a night club
Tonight's the hottest night of the year
Freestyling while the hood is stockpiling on ice and beer
It’s nice in here, my cousin Sonny likes it here
He runs the cash register while writing letters
To his friends en Puerto Plata
I’ve gotta lotta bachata, merengue, salsa, compas [?]
Afrocuban, a lot of Latin music you’ve been exposed to
Whenever one of my friends rolls through
They tell me all their problems like a friend’s supposed to
Cuz everybody asks for real advice from me

[MAN]
Usnavi, where’s the motherfucking rice!?

[USNAVI]
Aisle three
But I don’t get involved with their problems you see
I got a little motto I follow religiously
No me meto, no me meto
I’d like to help you out, no doubt pero no puedo
No me meto no, no me meto
I’m like the confession booth of the ghetto
And if I wanted too, if I wanted too I could be pulling the strings like Geppetto
But people got their problems I’m not here to solve them
Aquí me quedo y no me meto

[LINCOLN]
My sister’s on her way I can’t be late
We’re having dinner and my dad won’t wait
See you later on tonight

[USNAVI]
Sounds great
It’s half past eight tell your moms to save a plate
I’m like your neighborhood preacher, your favorite teacher
And I’m waiting to reach all of you ladies with savory features
Well, don’t be shy, say hello Sonny!

[SONNY]
Hello Sonny!

[USNAVI]
You think you’re funny...count that money, man
You wanna try running the grocery? No siree
I sell everything that you’ve ever seen
Listerine, keratin, nicotine, hosiery
Blow bags to du-rags to neon green rosaries
Your local A&P don’t even come close to me the
Players and hustlers hug their nuts and boast to me to me
But when they want someone to give a helping hand
They’re on their own cuz no me—
Good afternoon, may I help you, Miss?

[VANESSA]
My name’s Vanessa

[USNAVI]
Yes I know, as you wish yes

[VANESSA]
I didn’t bring enough to pay for this

[USNAVI]
—It’s on the house!

[VANESSA]
—Thank you!

[USNAVI]
And she’s out with a quickness
Vanessa’s midriffs are putting me out of business
I have a fondness for her physical fitness
And when I talk to her, I’m scared shitless
Can I get a witness?

[SONNY]
Amen! It's a sickness!

[BENNY]
Yo yo Usnavi you better stick to rapping as a hobby
So don’t quit your day job son because your freestylin's sloppy
It’s Benny that loud cat, slapping your back on your ass crack
I’m smoother than The Ratpack dropping your stocks like Nasdaq

[USNAVI]
That’s wack! You said the same line on Wednesday
Now come grasshopper, take a lesson from your sensei
I’ll try to kick the message the simple way, like feng-shui
You’re getting rusty tin-man
You need an oil can and Bengay

[BENNY]
You ignorant immigrant! It’s pronounced “fung-shooey”
Now watch me blow up that spot son ba-boom-booey!
I’m screwing with your flow and I hope that I’m not out of order
But yo momma’s so dumb she

[BENNY AND USNAVI]
Spends a dollar on a quarter

[USNAVI]
Yeah that joke is so old, it’s starting to reek
Benny, I’ll tell you what I told your mom last week
No me meto, no me meto
Hey Benny’s mom, you’re the bomb pero no puedo
I like your muumuu but I can’t do you
I’m serving your son on a platter like he was pupu
Yo, you’re Benny’s mother, I can’t be your lover
We might mess up and give my friend a brand new brother
Ohhh! Get out! This is my house!
Aquí me quedo, no me meto