Nathan Drake vs. Tintin (Rap Battle #100)

[Verse 1: Tintin (Littleflecks)]
Sir Drake's lineage has taken more than a hit
Gone from well-known explorer to fraudulent prick
His history's a grift, mine's always been rich
They would draw me solving mysteries before there was Inc
Push any button, but your pride is dwindling
You won't survive quick rhyme events with Tintin
Contrived design is your levels' core mechanic
Both your pistol and gameplay are semi-automatic
You've been playing games with your lover, and that was figurative
When you made like your brother, randomly dipped with nothing
From one Drake to another, family issues bubblin'
Better take after your late mother: commit to something
Led your friends to danger since you were a child
I'd bet that you've created way more graves than you've defiled
You're just another thief that I'll beat, not a survivalist
I made the genre peak! You threw it off the highest cliff

[Verse 2: Nathan Drake (Cam Steady) and Tintin]
Sheesh! Does he always go ramblin' on?
What? Shut up, Rick Astley, I'm askin' the dog
Now scram to your cops and get them on the case
Maybe Thomson and Thompson can find the rest of your face (ha-ha!)
When Sully sailed to Belgium to rob treasuries
He failed to mention, he dug up this Lost Legacy
A relic from the 20th century, to be precise
He's a fossil even Spielberg couldn't revive!
I'm the greatest skydiver, bike-rider ever known
Mountains I climb at wild climates, wet or snow
While you might find your flight license gets revoked
You couldn't fly right inside your pilot episode!
Being a 30-year-old virgin can be scary, kid
But I wouldn't recommend that Yeti to pop your cherry with
And what's with the Gorilla that kicked your preppy derriere?
If you fuck with Tintin, things will literally get hairy-er
Someone put this fucking mummy back in a sarcophagus
Even how you peddle stereotypes is monotonous
A car chase is the only foreign race he likes
In newspapers so dated, every page he's on is mainly white

[Verse 3: Tintin and Captain Haddock (Swizkii)]
Did...Haddock switch my drink for his Loch Lomond?
Either I'm shitfaced or that's not Tom Holland
What a battle, huh? Captain, it's Verse 2
He's not done ruining this track like every building he bursts through!

[Verse 4: Nathan Drake]
You've had a load of chances to fight, so then take a shot
Your lousy Captain loads a glass and then he takes a shot
I'm in the action, load the gat and then I take the shots
While you say "Action", load the camera, then you take a shot!

[Verse 5: Tintin]
Undermine me!? My accomplishments run deep!
Your whole identity is stolen: no honor among thieves!
Be a good dad and actually give two shits!
Wouldn't want Cass to turn out just like you did, huh!?

[Verse 6: Nathan Drake]
Well, you look like a toddler wearing his dad's uniform
Maybe when you're older, you can start to catch unicorns!
If you won't use it, drop the Luger and surrender
Or call Hergé in to write Tintin's last adventure!

[Verse 7: Indiana Jones (Zawesome) + Tintin]
Are you both finished robbing my grave? I doubt it
Great Snakes! Trust me, nothing great about 'em
Let's see Nate scale mountains with no man controlling him
Forget boulders, you couldn't handle boulderin'
This track's had a lethal dosage of both these phonies
And the antidote's Dr. Jones on a dope beat
Take some notes, please, 'cause I'll show you what they don't teach
Indy's so GOATed, Tintin's hoping to poach me
Your fans are a bunch of ants; tell all them freaks
To crawl back into their hole with your relevancy
Drake, don't meddle with me because I'm more than equipped
But with the way your Miss treats you, you're already whipped
I'm not lookin' for a sidekick - Tintin, shoo!
Especially not Short Round for the Hitler Youth
I'm the guy who smacks trenchcoat Nazis on my days off
Light that quiff like a wick and melt your face off!
Kid, you're so boring, got no arc I could raid
And as for this moron, why'd it have to be Drake?
My Lego adventures are putting him to shame
Your triple A title gets beaten by an Indy game
When a plane wreck was imminent, I ejected at will
You two should've done the same 5 seconds into your films
I'm reppin' the Holy Grail of movies without the Python
You can sacrifice yourselves now that you've met your idol