My Aunt Maxine

When I grow up I wanna be like my aunt Maxine
Let me tell you folks a story so you'll know what I mean
When her kids had left for college, she had time to please herself
At the age of fifty-two, she started swimming for her health
She cuts the finest figure that the town has ever seen
When I grow up I wanna be like my aunt Maxine

She rooted through her dresser, and she found with consternation
A bathing suit she purchased in the Ford administration
It was saggy, it was baggy, it had tired old elastic
It was clear the situation called for something pretty drastic
My aunt did something that she hadn't done in years
She fired up her credit card and headed down to Sears

Well the bathing suit department can make anyone feel lost
The less of you they cover up, the more they seem to cost
All the latest models are cut high up on the hip
You can just imagine where those things are gonna slip
My aunt was feeling cranky, she was ready to turn back
When fate drew her attention to the discount rack

Back behind the others, where it hardly could be seen
Was a cotton-string bikini in a lovely shade of green
She tried it on in impulse, it fitted pretty well
And the sign said "Sale", so she figured what the hell
She walked out feeling giddy as a girl of seventeen
When I grow up I wanna be like my aunt Maxine

When she made her maiden voyage to the swimming pool
She kinda started thinking that she might have been a fool
She was standing in the changing room, paralyzed by doubt
Everywhere she looked, it was all hanging out
But she pulled herself together and she walked out of the stall
She said, "I'll just pretend that I got nothing on at all"
Now Maxine has a bikini and she wears it like a queen
When I grow up I wanna be like my aunt Maxine