Mongoloid Middle America

Congratulations! You have just shown your rare occurrence to take this trip through Mongoloid Middle America
Before we begin our strange journey, please remember that there are some very sick and dangerous people out there, so, please, keep your arms and legs inside the boat at all times, and keep your hands on the safety rail in front of you
Under no circumstances should you leave the boat for any reason during the excursion
And now, try to psychologically and emotionally prepare yourself for an odyssey from which you might never fully recover
Your grandeur through Mongoloid Middle America

It seems that our tour boat has broken down
Tough shit, daddy-o
It's going to take big money to get us out of this one, I'm afraid
You'd better check your wallet to see how much you have left
None of us may ever leave the place alive
[laughing]

It's a little creepy driving through these small towns
Sometimes one gets the feeling that there's no one around
But every now and then, one sees a Philly or two
Working as a waitress at the hullabaloo
Come on, all you people, and gather around
We've got a rock band here that wants to play in your town
We don't ask for much, 'cause we know you won't pay
Besides, you didn't ask us to come here anyway

You may think they look alike, but they're all the same guy
You ask about his sister and she spits in your eye
She's everybody's brother, and that ain't no lie
She's a cute little dish, wanna get in her pants
Reach down deep inside, Daddy's dick in your hands

Look at that damn yankee as I went to take a leak
They think they're off-right but they're just a bunch of geeks
Monday night is football, and Tuesday night is bridge
Let's all go to the laundry and check what's in the fridge
Christmas, Easter, Halloween - it's enough to drive you nuts
Some retard in a cop car is pullin' on his putz
While some jerk-off in a taxi tells us that he's lost
Man, I gotta get outta here, no matter what the cost!

You'll be back happy hour I heard my woman say
As they carried me away to Pittsburgh yesterday
And try as I may to make my crime pay
I could not escape and I started to cry
I felt so betrayed, Daddy's dick in my eye

Take me home, country roads, to the place where I belong
'Cause any place is better than being here
Take me to the river
Drop me in the water
Bend me, shake me, any way you want me
I sense the end is near
I'm-a finish with a-jokin', my car is a-chokin'
Time to make a getgo while the gettin' is good

Made my way out of Mars and into Barkeyville
Little Barkey the dog is gonna check my motor mounts
He be a smart little pug, that son of a bitch
"Looks OK to me!" Mechanic's a sitch
What a price to pay for freedom! But at least I got my wish

Put it all together, and what have you got?
A truckload of shit and a shitload of scotch
No matter how you slice it, you don't end up with a lot
One thing I know is I'll never go back
I don't be a-needin' Daddy's dick up my crack