Meeskite

[HERR SCHULTZ, spoken]
Quiet, everyone.
Now the only word you have to know in order to understand my little song
Is the Yiddish word "Meeskite."
"Meeskite" means ugly.
"Meeskite means funny-looking.
"Meeskite" means—

[HERR SCHULTZ]
Meeskite, meeskite
Once upon a time there was a meeskite, meeskite
Looking in the mirror he would say, "What an awful shock
I've got a face that could stop a clock"
Meeskite, meeskite
Such a pity on him, he's a meeskite, meeskite
God up in his heaven left him out on a shaky limb
He put a meeskite on him

[HERR SCHULTZ, spoken]
But listen, he grew up
Even meeskites grow up

[HERR SCHULTZ]
And soon in the Cheder (That means Hebrew school)
He sat beside this little girl
And when he asked her name, she replied
"I'm Pearl"
He ran to the Zayda (That means grandfather)
And said in that screechy voice of his
"You told me I was the homeliest
Well, gramps, you're wrong. Pearl is."

Meeskite, meeskite
No one ever saw a bigger meeskite, meeskite
Everywhere a flaw and maybe that is the reason why
I'm going to love her until I die
Meeskite, meeskite
Oy, is it a pleasure, she's a meeskite, meeskite
She's the one I'll treasure
For I thought there could never be
A bigger meeskite than me

So, they were married
And in a year she turned and smiled
"I'm afraid I'm going to have
A child"
Nine months she carried
Worrying how that child would look
And all the cousins were worried too
But what a turn fate took

Gorgeous, gorgeous
They produced a baby that was gorgeous, gorgeous
Crowding round the cradle all the relatives aahed and oohed
"He ought to pose for a baby food"
Gorgeous, gorgeous
Would I tell a lie? He's simply gorgeous, gorgeous
Who'd have ever thought that we would see such a flawless gem
Out of two meeskites like them?

[HERR SCHULTZ, spoken]
Sing with me, somebody
Fräulein Schneider, Clifford, we make a duet, huh?
Sally, we make a duet with Sally
Come

[HERR SCHULTZ & SALLY]
Meeskite, meeskite
Once upon a time there was a meeskite, meeskite
Looking in the mirror he would say, "What an awful shock
I've got a face that could stop a clock"
Meeskite, meeskite
What's the good denying I'm a meeskite, meeskite
God up in his heaven made a joke for the world to see

[HERR SCHULTZ]
He made a meeskite of me

[HERR SCHULTZ, spoken]
But wait, my story has a moral.
All my stories have morals.

[HERR SCHULTZ]
Moral, moral
Yes indeed, the story has a moral, moral
Though you're not a beauty it is nevertheless quite true
There may be beautiful things in you
Meeskite, meeskite
Listen to the fable of the meeskite, meeskite
Anyone responsible for loveliness, large or small
Is not a meeskite at all!

[FRÄULEIN KOST, spoken]
Herr Ludwig, this is for you.