​meDIEvel

[Skit]
Well, good evening, sir. May I help you?
Hey, what's up, pal? My dispatch sent me here
Said something about hauling off some old medieval tools, or equipment of some sort
Oh, yes, you've come to the right place. "Medieval", they said. Hmm, how humorous. But please, come inside. I'll show you the lot
I'm surprised I even found my way here. GPS quit working about ten minutes before I made it onto the property. To be honest? I kinda stumbled my way back here. Guess I got lucky
Indeed, and lucky you must be. Please, this way
So, uh, what is this place, Mister? Kinda looks like something out of a movie set or something. This some kind of horror museum? Not gonna lie, this place kinda gives me the willies. If you know what I mean. Pretty out of place like this is this. This far off the map
A horror museum? Hm, how clever of you. You could say it's something, mmm, kind of like that, I guess. My employer is, uh, kind of more on the private side of things. To be honest, without trying to be rude, he is paying you quite handsomely for the task at hand and that does not include any questions asked
Hey, that works for me, pal
Now here we are. I'm assuming this will fit into the vehicle you have brought
Holy shit! What is this thing? I've seen one of these contraptions in movies before. This here is one of them torture devices. I believe it's some kind of killing machine, ain't it?
Sir, what this actually is is of no concern to you. We've contracted you to pick it up and take it to the designated location on your paperwork. As I've said before we are not at liberty to discuss anything with you or answer any questions you-
My God! Is this blood? This is real blood, ain't it?
Sir, please-
What the hell is this thing? What is this place?
What kind of shit are you people running here?
You listen here, you sick bastard. If I move this thing one foot, I'm gonna call my boss
*Whack*
My gosh, some people never learn, do they? Oh, my apologies. I didn't realize you were standing there and watching all of this. This poor chap may have just got himself in a very peculiar situation
Oddly enough, where are my manners? I had no idea you had arrived. And if you're here, then that means it’s already been three years since our last meeting. We have something most spectacular planned for these years. A little shindig, if you will
Before we begin though, please just step right over there into that room off to the side. It has been converted into a makeshift listening lounge for our guests as they arrive. I'll just be a few more minutes
I need to go ahead and handle our, uh, little problem with Mr. Lucky here before we begin the festivities. And, oh, one last thing. Welcome to Helter Skelter