Making Amends

As your voice echoes through my distorted thoughts
I tremble wanting to regain what I've lost
Knowing any attempts to recapture your companionship
Are obviously futile/Especially since
I couldn't escape from my skeptical background
Until you came and rescued me before I drowned
You were next to me through my most severe sickness
Stood by me whether or not I could provide for us
Sheltered me when the weather was harshest
And fought off the demons I couldn't compress

As payment for nurturing and supporting me consistently
And bathing me in your unconditional generosity
I expected more from you while showing no gratitude
And demanded an unending amount of servitude

Those words you said struck me like an assassin
And they played like a loop in my head while I was dying
I woke up to discover I was still in your care
Healing me by saying you would always be there
You still checked up on me occasionally
Although I didn't reciprocate the same sympathy
I lashed out at you/Tried to pass you the blame
Destroyed the progress you worked so hard to attain
I'm the one who pushed you away so I tore myself apart
I reverted to who I was before and brought us back to the start
So again your voice echoes through my distorted thoughts
While I tremble, nostalgic over everything I've lost

These old pictures should bring a smile to my face
Instead I'm wondering if I've already been replaced
These old pictures make me hostile and sad
They mockingly remind me you'll be the best I could ever have
(2x)

My time in this realm is coming to an end
And I had hoped this secret would follow me to my grave
Consider this act designed to make amends

It happened according to my plan that last fight we had
I foresaw the outcome was you not getting mad
But enraged beyond all reason
To the point where you never want to speak to me again
I had enough of harming you despite not meaning to
I couldn't handle the stress I was putting us through
Alone I sought to protect you from me
My sole aim was to make you happy
So I pushed the button to my own self destruction
Never thinking what if I caused you more affliction
Afterwards I learned I failed my mission
My death led you to your execution
How could it backfire/What did I really achieve
I killed the person most important to me
So don't miss or forgive me cause I don't deserve it
Don't give me another chance cause I'm not worth it
Look for someone who sees you're perfect
Who treats you like royalty and with respect
But please heed my final request
Please unblock your ears to this
The unambiguous and absolute truth
I'm sorry and I thank you