Louis C.K.

I’m sorry, ladies. I just… I got a fucking Me Too headache. Y’all is killing me right now. It’s really fuckin’ tough to watch what’s going on. You know, ladies, I said it in my last special, and I got in a lot of trouble for this. I told you, you were right. But the way you’re going about it is not going to work. But I’m biased. I said it. Louis C.K. was a very good friend of mine before he died in that terrible masturbation accident. And it was his room. You read the story. He was masturbating in his own room. That’s where you supposed to masturbate. Then he said, “Hey, everybody, I’m gonna pull my dick out.” Nobody ran for the door or nothing like that. They all just kind of hung out, like, “I wonder if this guy is serious.” And hе came on his own stomach. There it is. What is thе threat? Have any women ever seen a guy that just came on his own stomach? This is the least threatening motherfucker the Earth has ever seen. All you see is shame in their face and… cum dripping down like pancake butter. He didn’t do anything that you can call the police for. I dare you to try. Call the police on him. “Hello? Police, yes. I am… I am on the other line with comedian Louis C.K., and I think that he is masturbating while I’m on the phone.” You know what the police are gonna say in Atlanta? “Well, what are you guys talking about? Mm-hm. Mm-hmm.” They ruined this n i g g a’s life, and now he’s coming back playing comedy clubs, and they acting like if he’s able to do that, that’s gonna hurt women.