Look Out, There’s A Monster Coming

[Count-In]
(And three, four)

[Instrumental Intro]

[Verse 1]
Lonely, unmarried, looking for love
Life was passing me by
So I sent off my photo, hobbies, and age
Magazine marriage I tried
They say for centuries, lovely Japanese girls
Have been trained in the art of pleasing men
Be lonely no more, open destiny's door
For one dollar, they arrange a meeting

[Verse 2]
My image was wrong, I didn't like me
So I changed my personality
I bought a deluxe Merseybeat wig
But it was a size too big
What confidence in my new built-up shoes
So smart for winter or summer
Undetectable in normal everyday use
Look out, there's a monster coming

[Verse 3]
Bye-bye, binoculars and macintosh
Everything is just great
I take elocution, learn to speak posh
But still, I can't find a mate
Be popular, learn to play the guitar
In seven days, you could be strumming
Be sociable, learn kissing technique
Look out, there's a monster coming

[Instrumental Bridge]

[Verse 4]
For my Carnaby clothes, I reshaped my nose
Plastic surgery's best
To cut down my weight, off comes my left leg
I pass a swimming costume test
Are my sideboards too long?
Don't my aftershave pong?
I know my new nose ain't runnin'
What's wrong with my tie?
Am I getting too high?
Look out, there's a monster coming

[Verse 5]
Disfiguring and ugly, my facial hair
I had removed electrically
I rejuvenated my energy cells
And regained my virility, grunt, grunt
He put my hand on my heart
I hadn't changed any part
He had a machine for a mummy
Please be gentle with me
I come to pieces, literally
Look out, there's a monster coming!

[Outro]
Look out, there's a monster coming!
Look out, there's a monster coming!
Look out, there's a monster coming!
Look out, there's a monster coming!
Look out, there's a monster coming!
Look out, there's a monster coming!
Look out, there's a monster coming!
Look out, there's a monster coming...