Longer

(Harder, wider, longer, fatter
Who says that size doesn't matter?)

[Chorus]
Na-na now I want to thrill you
But there is something wrong-a
The problem is in my pants now
I need to be quite a bit longer
I keep on having these nightmares
That we're getting our freak on-a
But then when I take my pants off
You get up and hit the gong-a
... I cry and ask God why
... I'm hung like a horse fly

(Pump it harder, make it wider
Pull it fatter, stretch it longer
All these products promise results
An extra inch is never enough)

[verse 1]
Just for get it man, that's what I hear when I
Remove my pants, girls don't want a guy
Whose thing is an innie, often described as a
Nano or a Mini, I thought it was fine
Back when I was five, but twenty years later
It's still the same size, my junk
It has no flair, it kinda looks like
A third nipple down there, everyone who sees it
Is surprised, I think they cut too much when I was
Circumcised, in case I forgot to
Mention, most girls don't want a guy
With extensions, so go ahead get it wet
Watch it shrink more, all the way up inside
And out the back door, act like it don't give you
The creepies, and look like a Good 'N Plenty
And BBs, dammit!
(chorus)

[verse 2]
I don't know if you've seen those ads
Or not, if you get these emails
Or not, they must know me 'cause I get 'em
A lot, I figure what the hell why not give it
A shot, 'cause right now above my bed hangs a mirror
That says objects are longer than they appear
So I ordered up a box of MegaStack
They promise three inches or my money
Back, and I got this weird gadget
That says it'll stretch it like magic
And got a pump but I don't know where the case went
Well I can always use it in my basement
Maybe something will work and some coy chick
Will actually play with my joystick
Uh, hopefully my thing will get
(harder, wider, longer, fatter)
(chorus)

[bridge]
So you wanna know how long, huh?
It's kinda like a kernel of corn, yup
Or kinda like a rose's thorn, yup
So don't tell me I didn't warn ya

So you wanna know how long, huh?

It's kinda like a kernel of corn, yup
Same size as when I was born, yup
But it's OK for Hobbit porn, yup

Uh, hopefully my thing will get
(harder, wider, longer, fatter)

(chorus)
Na-na now I want to thrill you
But there is something wrong-a
The problem is in my pants now
I need to be quite a bit longer
I keep on having these nightmares
That we're getting our freak on-a
But then when I take my pants off
You get up and hit the gong-a

"I think it's kinda cute"