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You want me to grieve
You want me to grieve
I just want to breathe

[Verse 1: Isaiah Velez]
I tried to write this like a journal
But it just didn't work
I dug deep
But still feel like I had left in some dirt
So I did what I do best
And I opened my Notes app
Let pain seep through the screen
Each word a silent scream
Let's take it back to when Isaiah was young
Had to hear bout bull crap that his father had done
Yelling matches in the kitchen between father and mum
Acting like I wasn't listening, as if I were dumb
Verbally swinging, but stray shots were hitting their son
Hard to see and hard to process, slowly I would grow numb
But for now I'm prolly crying as I'm under my sheets
Close my eyes, but ugly pictures, they were stopping my sleep
Like that one time when he left the house
Or when I saw my mother cry
Or when she'd tell me, "Isaiah, just know that your my special guy."
"Just know that you are better than him, you can be much more."
Expectations made their placement
A limit to stop my soar
What did God have in store
For a small little kid?
Self-conscious since 3rd grade
Dad judging all I did
Told his kid that he was weak
So the kid tried to be tough
The weight was adding up
And even though the pain had made me strong
I just was not enough

[Hook]
You told me to grieve
I just want to breathe
Help me Father, please
Best believe I wanna let this pain go, pain go

[Verse 2: Isaiah Velez]
So he would fall into relationship, huh
More like relationshit
Father gone at age 12
Step-Dad came and saved the kid
Did a great job
They definitely raised him right
But what was left was still that void
So his stomach would ache at night
He fell in “love” with a girl
Mom told him it was wrong
He sung an honest tune
But Momma wasn’t singing ‘long
Made him get inside the van
Drove to the girl’s house
Knocking all up on their door
And it’s already dark out
I had to end things with her
Right in front of her family
Parents were violating
You know that the girl was mad at me
Word spread thru the school
And people knew what wassup
Head down through the hallways
Wishing that my day was up
Honest talks with my mother
Felt I had to give them up
Ain’t no way that I could speak to her without her blowing up
Used to be her little man of house
When it was rough
But now my love: invalidated
Guess it just ain’t enough

[Hook]
You told me to grieve
I just want to breathe
Help me Father, please
Best believe I wanna let this pain go

[Verse 3: Isaiah Velez]
Fast forward
Isaiah met this guy named Christ
And he had known Him from a distance
Wasn’t really in his life
But now His light, it was emitting from him
As he was smitten with Him
But enemy, he knew his inner him
And fiddled with him
He knew Isaiah wanted love
Affirmation that he didn’t get
Back when he was young
Another girl slipped through his cracks
And so he just hid that
But soon enough the girl had taken bat
And gave his heart a whack
Another girl came later
Spent together each moment
But when he saw her as greater
God that said he couldn’t hold her
Is Christ just like my mother?
Never letting me live
Or is just like my Father?
Just don’t care about his kid
I couldn’t fathom all the pain that I was feeling inside
But I needed to be strong, so I thought that I should hide
Every tear that I would cry
Wipe quick, just bluff
Act buff
Couldn’t let these girls think that their man wasn’t enough

[Hook]
You told me to grieve
I just want to breathe
Help me Father, please
Best believe I wanna let this pain go

[Verse 4: Isaiah Velez]
As I wrestle with my problems
See the lesson in the struggle
It ain’t bout just get better
It’s about just feeling fallen
I’ve been tryna act tough since
Elementary
But the savior of my family
I was never meant to be
As I push to be the man
That my father just never was
I need to realize I ain't perfect
And that I deserve to love
I've been tryna act tough since
Elementary
But the savior of these females
I was never meant to be
But mentally
The devil tricked me into thinking that I need to be!
More than human for the people that are close to me
But I could never be
I could never
I wasn't meant to save Tristan
And I could never save Rachel
I wasn't meant to save Caitlyn
If I tried I would be lost
Nah
See I could never save Stephen
I wasn't meant to save Conor
I could never save DK
I can't even save Sean
Ha
I could never save Jada, or Javian
I could never save my Father, why bother
I could never save Iza, or Pops
I wasn't meant to save Mom
I wasn't meant to save Mom