Late Night Confessions

[Hook]
How does it feel living on the edge of a razor?
How does it feel when there’s no one to savor?
How does it feel when all you do is crave her?
How does it feel when I go to meet my maker?
It's my confession, that I've done kept in

[Intro]
Fucking survival, that's my ultimate persona
I always live my life on the edge of some drama
Whether it's going on in my head
Or whether it's dealing with someone else's bullshit instead
Life is a struggle but it's precious, if I can't die, well then you can't either
This shit'll make a man's soul burn slow, like a can of ether
Throughout my life, suicide was on my mind
Since Second Grade, all of my school years were like a grind
To get to the end of a tunnel, I didn't wanna stop and listen
Do I hate myself? Yes, but I remain optimistic
Too many experiences to go through, I don't wanna show you
I want you to see it for yourself
I got some random thoughts on my mind right now
I wanna tell you bout my shit, tell you bout' my tour through hell

[Hook]

[Verse 1]
Now if your a friend I'll support you to the end
But don't drag me into a conflict with the both of you
I don't wanna pick a side I just wanna mend
I'd rather just get us all in a circle and fuckin' smoke a few
Usually I talk violence, but right now I just wanna talk some peace
I don't wanna deal with people stalkin' streets
Looking for people that stomp on my feet
On the news I see this black shit, this white shit
Seeing black people get killed, I don't like this
I'd rather be going up to a crip, yelling "what up, cuz?"
Cause I just wanna hang out, I don't wanna thug
Call that shit white guilt, but I think people are equal
I admit I'm not black, fuck it I never will be
But all this racism shit, man it is fuckin' filthy
How about you live in a ghetto life, afraid to pull a trigger
And it pisses me the fuck off, when white people call em a stupid [static]
Black culture has helped me through more then white culture could've ever done
Emotional, mental, physical, it has enlightened me
It brings out the light in me, my flaws, my strength, now it's bringing out the write me
I was afraid of saying this because it would seem that I'm not saying shit
Cause I'm afraid people like Anthony Fantano would say my thoughts are basic
It's probably true, I can't explain this much, I cannot be meddling
Basically Ice Cube & MLK are my heroes, more-so then John Wayne ever will be
When Ricky died in Boyz N the Hood, it fucked me up heavily
Made me wish I could do something that would give a fucking remedy
People say cause of this that I have a good heart
When they say it, it pisses me off, it sounds fucking corny
I just wish when shit grinds on my fucking gears that they wouldn't fucking ignore me
Like if I do something good, I don't want recognition
It makes me feel locked up as if it were a mexican prison
I'd rather them respect and listen, nod silently
And sometimes it makes me feel like when they don't
That I'll act violently, I admit I have personal problems
I admit that the shit hurts, so I work to absolve them
I won't deny that I have fucked up so many times
I just try to become a better person, so if you hate, please get in line

[Hook]

[Verse 2]
I've had my problems with women, fuck it, I'll move it here
A souvenir of my past? Nah, I've only dated on the internet
The interweb is no place for me to feel an emotional connect
First one mistakes were made on both sides
She left me when I finally sent a picture
And it just all went down the pisser
She said her parents made her do it
Had it broken down to me by my best friend at the time it was because she thought that I was ugly
But fuck it I don't hate her cause trust me I made mistakes too
And to put all my shit on her would be disgraceful
Nowadays she's just dead to me
I don't know who she is, all I know is I gotta keep cooking the recipe
The second one threatened to commit suicide if I had left
I admit that going into this relationship was my only regret
With her, there was some asshole that said that she was kidnapped
It left my heart and soul opened up to be giftwrapped
Came back, questioning what was wrong
When it was probably manipulative bullshit, she smoked me like a bong
The third one was heaven sent but ended in tragedy
Sexy latina, ended in a bunch of blasphemy
During the fourth one, I just figured fuck it I'm tired of this web shit
I still have dreams of every one, I don't wanna ruin the past, I just wanna respect it
And I just gonna be honest, my romantical past I put it on blast
It's tragic, but fuck it, my "fourth", wouldn't be surprised if she was a catfish

[Hook]

[Verse 3]
As I said in the first verse
Bullshit since second grade, and now it fucking hurts worse
Getting into stupid fights and shit, and I would always lose
And now I front violence, cause I got something to prove
Third Grade had me feeling like I was basic
Others got Ice Cream cause they were smarter, made me feel disgraced, shit
That made me feel like I was in fifth, just a little more easier
But it was still such a disease that it hurt
Shout out to Azon, sorry for trying to fight when we first met
It hurts yet cause I thought you were stealing my friend
But we patched it up, became friends, only positive memories
You, me, Chris Gonzales, I won't hate you if you don't remember me
Fourth Grade saw me betray my first buddy
Cause others said he was fat and ugly, I was that disgusting
Fifth Grade was the worst, it made me wish I was aborted
Depression's disturbing, leaving me even more distorted
Almost went into my basement, put a shotgun into my mouth
And pull the trigger, why I didn't do it?
I thought I was a pussy for pulling out
All the teachers made me feel like I shouldn't breathe
I wish that I could leave
I got bullied once in that year, patched it up
Challenged him again because I thought he dissed me, so I decided to match it up
Me and him fought on the street corner, some woman ended up intervening
I cried all the way home cause of pressure, it wasn't a mystery then
And it didn't help that before that I tried to bully two kids
Cause I thought they made fun of my mom, that just wasn't it
Was confronted by my principal, ended up crying like a bitch
Now I'm glad I lost, it put me in line, I'm a recovered man
Actions speak louder then words, now I have the upper hand
Sixth through Eight, middle school was shit
It wasn't the best time, and I definitely had enough of it
But this is when I started getting fucked up humor
And it spread like a fucked up tumor
My art teacher was an asshole
And it was then I started wanting to get the cashflow
I went bipolar on some cases to some people who didn't deserve it
And that was when I wanted to start gettin' up women's cervix
Ninth Grade was when I discovered hip hop
Practically saved my life, and I will never flip flop
Eminem was my first artist, and back then I was stereotypical
I was like "Fuck Mystikal, if he ain't lyrical I won't listen"
Stubborn hip hop dusthead, it had me feelin' on top, like a bunkbead
Corny simile aside, I was depressed but I felt more alive
Tenth Grade was more of the same shit, I just wanted to die
A little worse then 9th but fuck it, I just wanna survive
Eleventh Grade was same shit, different day
Punched some ginger asshole in the face
Cause he kept disrespecting me, man I felt I was in a race
Punched me in the back of the head like a bitch
The fight didn't expand, left for the next class, man that shit was rich
And from then on the rest of the year, I would describe him to be a fucking worm
I'm passed that, he now means nothing to me, thats just shit I've done learned
Twelfth Grade was shit, I managed to get through it
Even though I almost failed, I got through, just me and my music
Lost it, cost me, a grind but I finally made it
I didn't want to go to a ceremony that I fucking hated
My mom just wanted pictures but I'll never forgive her
But I still love her, she's my mom so I will never dismiss her
Now I'm working on life, afraid of college
Not afraid of the knowledge, just afraid of what the cost is

[Hook]

[Outro]
No I didn't go through the ghetto, but I still had it rough
Everyone has their own problems, I just had enough
Because of all this shit, I have felt less then nothing
I'll probably never feel like something, I am not bluffing
This will probably come back and haunt me
And then my worst enemies will come back and probably taunt me
This got me shaking and worried
Why in the fuck would the internet care? I probably should just leave it buried
But there's still much more to talk about
But for now I'll just give my last thoughts about it
Shout out to all my previous friends who I haven't talked to in a while
I hope you have a successful future and a daughter that you'll walk down the aisle
So whoever reads this that I know in real life, don't get it twisted
I'm a different man, my life has changed the way that I will listen
I don't want any big drama, this is just a chain of my thoughts
Written by 1 AM, I just wanted to write so I could right my wrongs
I'm sorry