Joe’s Garage

[Liner Note 1]
A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry...

[Intro: Central Scrutinizer & Joe]
We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park...
(It makes its own sauce...)

[Verse 1: Joe]
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"
And a second hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

[Liner Note 2]
At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song...

[Chorus: Larry]
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like...

[Verse 2: Larry]
Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a coupla quarts'a beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend your ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
Became a symphony
We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
Cause it sounded good to me
One more time!

[Chorus: Larry]
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screaming
"Turn it down!"
We was playing' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, and easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on the saxophone

[Verse 3: Larry & Liner Note 3]
We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N' we figured that we should
Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n' dance around
Like...
(Twenty teen-age girls dash
In and go STOMP-CLAP
STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...)
So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a couple 'a bucks
'N' we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots
'N' a sign on the back of the car
'N' we was ready to work in a Go-Go bar

[Bridge]
One, two, three, four
Let's see if you got some more!

[Verse 4: Larry & Joe]
People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we ought'a take his pen
'N' sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like...

[Liner Note 4]
*And, as the band plays their little song
MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY
In the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
Screams out the window...*

[Bridge: Mrs. Borg]
Turn it down!
Turn it DOWN!
I have children sleeping here...
Don't you boys know any nice songs?

[Verse 5: Joe]
Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye, yeah
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high, yeah
'N' then they got that Disco thing
'N' New Wave came along
'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to the-

[Bridge: Central Scrutinizer]
The White Zone is for loading and unloading only
If you gotta load or unload, go to the White Zone

[Outro: Joe, Mrs. Borg & Officer Butzis]
Well the years was rollin' by
The years were rollin' by (I'm calling the police!)
The years were rollin' by
The years were rollin' by (I did it! They'll be here, shortly!)
The years were rollin' by (This is the police...)
(I'm not joking around anymore!)
The years was rollin' by (We have the garage surrounded)
(Give yourself up)
(We will not harm you, or hurt you neither)
The years were rollin' by
You'll see them, there they are, they're coming!)
(This is the police)
The years were rollin' by
(Give yourself up)
(We will not harm you)
(Listen to that mess, would you?)
(This is the police, give yourself up)
(We have the garage surrounded!)
(Everyday this goes on around here!)
The years were rollin' by
(We will not harm you, or maim you)
The years were rollin' by
(SWAT Team 4, move in!)
(He used to cut my grass! He was a very nice boy!)
(This is the police, come out with your hands up!)
(That's disgusting...)

[Outro: Central Scrutinizer]
This is the Central Scrutinizer...
That was Joe's first confrontation with "The Law"...
Naturally, we were easy on him
One of our friendly counsellors gave him a donut
And told him to stick closer
To church-oriented social activities...