IV. Contemplation

[Intro: David Hoeschen]
We tend to focus on the bad things in our lives
Sometimes you have to take a step back and realize
It is what it is

[Chorus]
Ohh I've been thinking a lot lately
About what it was that made me this way
Nothing seems to go right man it crazy
And all this hate in my mind it has started to change me

[Verse 1]
I just wanna spit some words of advice
I have so many regrets left in my life
I just wish something could should and would go right
My life is so dark when i know my future is bright

Looking back at what I could've done different
Its hard cause the situations are inconsistent
How am i supposed to learn if all I do is miss it
The point i keep missing is that reality has grown so distant

Relationships are a thing of the past
I'm never going back
Even if I feel alone i know i still have my mom and dad
My fam's there even if no one was when my life was bad

When it was shit i can't help but think
Girls are so full of it
Man I'm a bout to quit
This shit and get lit and drown in a bottle of gin

That way i could forget the madness
And focus on the magic
The fabric of my friends that hold together the havoc
Of this fucking life that i fill with bad habits

We live in a time
Where love dims over time
Were on our phones all the time
So we don't talk in real life
The highlight of these times
Was looking into her eyes
Not in a picture but real life
I wish she realized

That we fell apart because of this very reason
That didn't rhyme
Fuck
I'm a mess

[Chorus]
Ohh I've been thinking a lot lately
About what it was that made me this way
Nothing seems to go right man it crazy
And all this hate in my mind it has started to change me

Ohh I've been thinking a lot lately
About what it was that made me this way
Nothing seems to go right man it crazy
And all this hate in my mind it has started to change me

[Verse 2]
Yeah I'm sick of feeling like a pushover
When I start something with a lover
I've been cheated and stranded and branded with the label that I'm just like every other
You know

I've walked in on a girl having sex she was my crush
And she knew that which is why I'm even more crushed
I trusted her and we've been through so damn much
I thought finally id have someone to keep and touch

But I was wrong she was so heartless
And i can stop but wonder what I did to wind up like this
My friends tell me it wasn't my fault but deep down i know it is
Because I'm a fucking pussy and I feel like I'm worthless

But that's only at my lows i still feel like a pushover
But at my highs I feel like I'm the one controller
I got ice but I'm lit maybe I'm bipolar
But everyone in my life gives me the cold shoulder

She said she needed time what a pathetic excuse because if we talked it through it would fix the issue
I don't wanna name names but you would talk to that dude
I know its fucked up but somehow i miss you

Now I've turned to drugs, chewing my nails, biting my lip
Everything I could think of doing to cope with it
But nothing seems to help this depression I'm living with
Fuck
Why do I do this?

[Chorus]
Ohh I've been thinking a lot lately
About what it was that made me this way
Nothing seems to go right man it crazy
And all this hate in my mind it has started to change me

Ohh I've been thinking a lot lately
About what it was that made me this way
Nothing seems to go right man it crazy
And all this hate in my mind it has started to change me

[Verse 3]
I've been cheated on more than once
I've been stranded and left alone without anyone to clutch
I've been at the point of anger without anything to punch
I've been loved but that shit isn't enough

I know that I have the best friends in the world
But I still feel like I'm alone in this world
Because I've been hated but loved man what a world
Which is the truth I wish I understood these girls

I've been contemplating my life and its so aggravating
I've been concentrating on what matters but I'm estimating
Its so irritating but its oddly motivating
I've been hesitating but i need to start operating

On what the fuck to do because its obviously not working
Can't you see I'm heartbroken whys no one helping
People are fucking selfish while I'm over here hurting
Can't you see things you think matter most mean nothing

One of my friends said that your loved by more people then you can count
But it doesn't mean shit if its not by the ones that count
I been through things that i can't afford to think about
All this struggle and they blame me for not opening up

Bitch i was about to open up
Before you fucked him when you were drugged up
What the fuck were you thinking when you took his dick out
Ohhh you made the excuse that you were drunk now

Bullshit! Drunk actions illustrate sober thoughts
Now i ask myself why I'm messing with these thots
If i keep trying for love, what will be the cost
She said she was drunk ha its not my loss

Try to think some more that's not a fucking excuse
Because your mind was still on in hot pursuit
I know you would've done it if you were sober too
You were just drunk enough to do it when i was in front of you

Now I know all girls don't do this shit I've talked about in the past
But i was just unlucky enough to fall for the ones that have
I just wish there was some way that I could go back
I'm not talking as Kid Vision I'm talking as me
Zac