It’s In The Book

[Intro]
(Gay men!)
Oh, Mother Mary of gay!
(Gay men!)
Oh Lord, please give me the strength to deal with these sinners!
I mean your blessed children on this cold winter’s day…
Sure thing, Sister!
Lord, is that you?
Sure is!
I bless you with the powers that be
To help this bitter unbeliever see the light of gay
And hopefully melt her cold heart in this, the season of giving
Well thank you for the blessing almighty
I kinda didn’t think this prayer thing worked
You know this is thе first time I’ve actually heard from you
I work in mystеrious ways dear Sister
Oh!
Good Luck with this one
Put me down!
It’s going to be a doozy!
I’m not ready to go to the pearly gates! Ugh!
Well that was intense
My name is Sister Mary Kuntz
And I’m here to tell you a story from the good book
All very true and biblically accurate of course…
Haha, aren’t they all?
This is a story about a girl named Lucky- I mean, Trinity!
She had found herself in a lonely and desolate way of being
And not even Christmas could bring her joy

[Verse 1]
Come one, come all, ’tis the season for a holiday story
Like Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen but with none of those animals
A tale of a wench turned to somebody new
And if you look real close
There just might be a very heavy handed life lesson in here

[Interlude]
The bible’s pretty subtle
Yes, God! Girls, haha!

[Verse 2]
Feel all the holly in your stockings
(Shoo-wop shoo-wop, ooh)
It ain’t Christmas til you’re sopping
(Shoo-wop shoo-wop, ew!) Sorry
Your nine-to-five won’t get no love today
But if you look real close you just might find (fa, la, la!)
It’s in the book!

[Chorus]
Everything you need this Christmas
All your wishes, dreams, delicious wow!
It’s in the book! (ah)
It’s in the book! (ah)
All is super true and and fact based
Don’t need anything but blind faith wow!
It’s in the book! (ah, fa, la, la!)
It’s in the book!

[Bridge]
Our story begins with a mean, bitter, old bitch
Also known as Trinity
She was a successful and very wealthy business owner
Who had to step on everybody else to get to the top
Thanks capitalism!
She also had really nice eyes and a stunning figure
It says it right here, it’s in the book!
Trinity had no family or friends
Except her business partner, Neil Down
But he had just died that Christmas Eve
After that, she had absolutely no one
And became an even bigger Scrooge!
Time had passed and she still hadn’t changed her ways
That was until she had an epiphany
And by epiphany, I mean she really had to go through judgment day
And who better to judge her, than gay ghosts!

[Chorus]
Everything you need this Christmas
All your wishes, dreams, delicious wow!
It’s in the book! (ah)
It’s in the book! (ah)
All is super true and and fact based
Don’t need anything but blind faith wow!
It’s in the book! (ah, fa, la, la!)
It’s in the book!