If Only

All I seem to do
Is sit here thinking of you
When pleasure and pain
Become one and the same
It leaves me dazed and confused

I have a lock of your hair
Snarled up in a curled elastic band
Not given in love but pulled out from your head
The last night you spent in my bed

Chorus:
Well, If only you knew, just how much you’ve been torturing me
Well, If only you knew, well if only I could stop thinking if only you knew

Hassles in life, they may come and go
But the hardest thing I’ve found
Is trying to live with myself

Well, I can’t get to sleep, I infrequently eat
I’m smoking my way back to yellow stained teeth
Mention cancer to me and I’ll inwardly freeze
And vow, never again

I, want to relive, the passion of those days
Skin cells under fingernails and sheets in disarray
And that feeling of calm as I lay in your arms
And I’d whisper into your ear

Chorus:
Well, If only you knew, just how much you’ve been torturing me
Well, If only you knew
Well if only I could stop thinking if only you knew

What they have said, I don’t give a damn
They see the world differently from me
And you know they always have

Chorus:
Well, If only you knew
Just how much you’ve been torturing me
Well if only you knew
Well, if only, I could stop thinking
If only, I could stop thinking
Well if only, I could stop thinking
If only you knew
That I'm missing you
Well, If only you knew, if only you knew

(2014 Published by Cote Basque Music Publishing Limited)