If a Girl Isn’t Pretty

[Mrs. Strakosh:]
Fanny, when people pay good money in the the-ay-ter--
Especially the male element--they want something to look at!

If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets in life
Is pity and a pat

[Mrs. Brice:]
Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail
Or drown the cat?

[Mrs. Strakosh, O' Malley, and Meeker:]
She must shine in ev'ry detail
Like a ring, you're buying retail
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress

[Mrs. Strakosh:]
When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils

[Mrs. Strakosh, O' Malley, and Meeker:]
Then to me, that doesn't spell success

[Eddie:]
If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
She should dump the stage
And try another route
Any guy who pays a quarter
For a seat just feels he oughter
See a figger that his wife can't
Substitute

Kid, my heart ain't made of marble
But your rhythm's really horr'ble
And that map of yours just ain't no
Valentine
Everything you got's about right
But the damn thing don't come out right
So forget it, kid
And just resign

[Chorus:]
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
She should get a job
Go get a job--
Get any job
Get a weekly pay
'Cause if a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
She's a real Miss Nobody, U.S.A