I’m the Greatest Star

[FANNY, sung]
I got 36 expressions
Sweet as pie to tough as leather
And that's six expressions more than all them Barrymores put together
Instead of just kicking me why don't they give me a lift?
Well, it must be a plot
'Cause they're scared that I got... such a gift
Well, I'm miffed

'Cause I'm the greatest star
I am by far
But no one knows it
Wait, they're gonna hear a voice
A silver flute (ah-ah ooh, ah-ah ooh)
They'll cheer each toot
(Hey, that kid is terrific, mmm)
When I expose it
Now can't you see to look at me
That I'm a natural Camille
As Camille I just feel
I've so much to offer
(Hey, listen kid I know I'd be divine because)
I'm a natural cougher
Some ain't got it, not a lump
I'm a great big clump of talent
Laugh!
They'll bend in half
(Did you ever hear the story about the traveling salesman?)
A thousand jokes
(Stick around for the jokes)
A thousand faces
I reiterate
When you're gifted, then you're gifted
These are facts
I've got no axe to grind
Hey, whaddaya, blind?
In all of the world so far
I'm the greatest star

[spoken]
No autographs, please
You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever?
I should say not
Any minute now they're gonna be out
Finished!
Then it'll be my turn
Hmph!

[sung]
Who is the pip with pizzazz?
Who is all ginger and jazz?
Who is as glamorous as?
Who's an American beauty rose?
With an American beauty nose?
And ten American beauty toes?
Eyes on the target and wham!
One shot. One gun shot and bam
Hey Mister Keeney!
Here I am

I'm the greatest star
I am by far
But no one knows it
That's why I was born
I'll blow my horn
'Till someone blows it
I'll light up like a light
Right up like a light
I'll flicker then flare up
All the world's gonna stare up
Looking down you'll never see me
Try the sky cause that'll be me

I can make 'em cry
I can make 'em sigh
Someday they'll clamor for my drama
Have ya guessed yet
Who's the best yet?
If ya ain't, I'll tell ya one more time
You'll bet your last dime
In all of the world so far
I am the greatest, greatest star