I wish i understood myself

[Verse: Soap]
Deductive reasoning has shown myself
That i am nothing
Waking in the morning
Tryna search for meanings of it
I don't mean to miss you
But my head it’s got me ducking
Running from the ones
I love while tryna overcome it
What is wrong with me
I thought i understood abundance
Like everything i needed
Wasn’t much but now it’s something
That i’ll never reach
Because my strides are getting smaller
Legs are getting heavier
The mountains looking taller
Now snow is falling on the peak
Do i even wanna make it
Fuck it i could take the cold feel
That when i’m waking
Raking in the money likes
It’s nothing when i hate it
Looking at me in the mirror
Like who the fuck is aidan?
Aching in my head be
Overtaking all the thinking
At stakes my sanity
Breaking my rules while i’m drinking
Quit using the drugs because
I couldn’t find no real friends
Fucking up my head and
So confused about my feelings
Fucking up my life and living lies and
That’s some real shit