I Pity Inanimate Objects

[Verse 1]
I pity inanimate objects
Because they cannot move
From specks of dust to paperweights
Or a pound note sealed in resin
Plastic Santas in perpetual underwater snowstorms
Sculptures that appear to be moving
But aren't
I feel sorry for them all

[Verse 2]
What are they thinking
When they arrive at a place?
Do they sigh with disappointment?
And when they leave
Do they have regrets?
Is a sofa as happy in one corner
As it is in another?
And how does the room feel about it?

[Chorus]
I pity inanimate objects
I pity inanimate objects
I pity inanimate objects
I pity them all

[Verse 3]
Physics isn't fair
Is a tree as a rocking horse
An ambition fulfilled?
And is the sawdust jealous?
I worry about these things

[Verse 4]
Peppercorns don't move
Until they contaminate the ice cream
Three weeks later
Is the gold in Fort Knox happy gold?
I care about these things

[Verse 5]
Some things are better left alone
Grains of sand prefer their own company
But magnets are two-faced
No choice for sugar
But what choice could there be
But to drown in coffee or to drown in tea?
The frustrations of being inanimate
Maybe it's better that way
The fewer the moving parts
The less there is to go wrong
I wonder about these things

[Chorus]
I pity inanimate objects
I pity inanimate objects
I pity inanimate objects
I pity them all