I’m Not a Man

{*a parody of the Positive K song "I Got a Man"*}

Hey big boy, ooh, you're lookin' fine
I like your little mustache and your cute behind
What the hell are you talking about?
Yeah, I like guys who go the other route
What-cha say you and me go dance?
There's something you should know. I don't think you understand
This can't be, tell me is it me?
What's the matter, hon, don't you like what you see?
No, it's not that, I knew you didn't understand
How should I say this...I'm not a man
What's the point in tryin' to lie to me?
I told ya, I find that really hard to believe
I was born a woman, don't you see these breasts?
I know that they're fake so just give it a rest
I'll admit I think you got a nice face
Yeah now you're talkin' baby let's go back to my place
I didn't know this was a gay bar, so my position stands
I already told ya, I'm not a man
What's the point in tryin' to lie to me?
I'm not a man, I find that really hard to believe
I'm not a man, what's the point in tryin' to lie to me?
I'm not a man, I just can't believe that
Why don't you believe me? This just isn't fair
Just look at these legs, hey're all covered in hair
I'll win you over if it takes all night
Because I'm really turned on by transvestites
Are you really that stupid? Do I sound like a guy?
Have you ever heard a guy with a voice this high?
I've heard guys with higher voices than you got
You sound like the members of the New Kids On The Block
It really must suck to live the life you've got
Are you a hunter? Because your brain is shot
You got a five o'clock shadow and you look very strong
So I don't see any way that I could be wrong
Why don't you just give up and give me this dance
I know you're a man, there's a bulge in your pants
My tampon is full, why don't you mind your own business?
If that's not a mustache, then what the hell is it?
I think you better get new glasses, man'Cause me?
I've never been a man
What's the point in tryin' to lie to me
I'm not a man, I find that really hard to believe
I'm not a man, what's the point in tryin' to lie to me?
I'm not a man, I just can't believe that
What am I, some desperate man
Who just wants to get you for a one night stand?
You can be a lumberjack and I'll be your log
You got a better chance of getting on with my dog
We can't have nothin'? It all depends
I'm not worried, I know I'm gonna get you in the end
What's that supposed to mean? I want into your jeans
I'll smack you so hard, that would bring true my dreams
You gotta understand a lot of men here are eyesores
But to me you're more beautiful than Boy George
You're not my type I like guys who like girls
So why don't you go fall off the end of the world
Your nose is so big, you must weigh a ton
Your legs are so hairy, your panty hose run
I'll take you on trips all across the land
What part of no don't you understand?
You're the type of guy that can nurture me
I was the cutest little girl in the nursery
I think you just had some good surgery

I don't have to take this, I'm outta here
No, wait, sit down, c'mon, join me for a beer
Why would I wanna stay here with you?
You know you can't resist the thought of me with you
I'll do things to you that you've never even seen
I'm very creative when I'm with drag queens
If you say no now then you'll change your mind
And when I do, I won't be hard to find
I'm the man of your dreams and I'm sure that
You're the type of guy I've been lookin' for
Just come back here with your fake breasts flappin'
I'm not a man, you're not a what?
Now when did this happen?
What's the point in tryin' to lie to me?
I'm not a man, I find that really hard to believe
I'm not a man, what's the point in tryin' to lie to me
I'm not a man, I just can't believe that
I'm not a man, you have to be so give it a rest
I'm not a man, I know you are but what am I?
I'm not a man, well, not like me
I'm not a man