I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoten-potenuse!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina-Pinafore!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a, sat a gee!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!