And Now That I’ve Introduced Myself (Dialogue)

[Dialogue]

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
And now that I’ve introduced myself, I should like to have some idea of what’s going on.

[KATE]
Oh, Papa – we –

[SAMUEL]
Permit me, I’ll explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Dear me!

[CHORUS OF GIRLS]
Against our wills, Papa – against our wills!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Oh, but you mustn’t do that! May I ask – this is a picturesque uniform, but I’m not familiar with it. What are you?

[PIRATE KING]
We are all single gentlemen.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Yes, I gathered that – Anything else?

[PIRATE KING]
No, nothing else.

[EDITH]
Papa, don’t believe them; they are pirates – the famous Pirates of Penzance!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
The Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them.

[MABEL]
All except this gentleman, who was a pirate once, but who is out of his indentures today, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
But wait a bit. I object to pirates as sons-in-law.

[PIRATE KING]
We object to Major-Generals as fathers-in-law. But we waive that point. We do not press it. We look over it.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Hah! an idea! And do you mean to say that you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of my life unfriended, unprotected, and alone?

[PIRATE KING]
Well, yes, that’s the idea.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

[CHORUS OF PIRATES]
Oh, dash it all!

[PIRATE KING]
Here we are again!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

[PIRATE KING]
Often!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one?

[PIRATE KING]
I say, often.

[MAJOR-GENERAL, PIRATE KING, CHORUS OF PIRATES]
Often, often, often.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I don’t think we quite understand one another. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan, and you say “orphan”. As I understand you, you are merely repeating the word “orphan” to show that you understand me.

[PIRATE KING]
I didn’t repeat the word often.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Pardon me, you did indeed.

[PIRATE KING]
I only repeated it once.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
True, but you repeated it.

[PIRATE KING]
But not often.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Stop! I think I see where we are getting confused. When you said “orphan”, did you mean “orphan” – a person who has lost his parents, or “often”, frequently?

[PIRATE KING]
Ah! I beg pardon – I see what you mean – frequently.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Ah! you said "often", frequently.

[PIRATE KING]
No, only once.

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Exactly – you said “often”, frequently, only once.