How to Raise a Child

(Lights come up on the Cat.)

[Cat, spoken]
An invisible world. Amazing, but true. Let's zoom out of Horton and zoom in through Who, but can you guess who enters the story now?

[Jo, spoken]
Who?

[Cat, spoken]
You!

(The Cat pushes Jojo into the story.)

[Mr. Mayor, spoken]
Here’s our tiny Who family on a small rainy day.

[Mrs. Mayor, spoken]
Mom and Dad are just home from the Who PTA.

[Mrs. Mayor]
He was Mommy's little boy.

[Mr. Mayor]
He was daddy’s little man.

[Mr. Mayor & Mrs. Mayor]
He was never any trouble ‘til this (spoken) “thinking thing” began.

[Mr. Mayor]
We must both lay down the law.

[Mrs. Mayor]
Will he hate us?

[Mr. Mayor]
Maybe so.

[Mr. Mayor & Mrs. Mayor]
Oh, where are the instructions on how to raise a child
Who has the instructions on how to raise a child
Who has all the answers?
I don't know.

[Mr. Mayor, spoken]
Jojo! I'm the mayor of Who.
Why I've just been elected.
And upright behavior is thus forth expected.

[Mrs. Mayor, spoken]
But we've just had a talk with your teachers today and they didn't have one single good thing to say!

[Mr. Mayor, spoken]
You invented new thinks which defy all description!

[Mrs. Mayor, spoken]
You gave Miss O'Dooley a nervous conniption!

[Mr. Mayor, spoken]
Your thinks were so wild they disrupted your classes and made Mrs. Mackel-Who drop her new glasses. Which is why you're suspended!

[Mrs. Mayor, spoken]
Yes, that's what they said!

[Mr. Mayor, spoken]
Young man, what in Who has got into your head?!

[Jojo, spoken]
I...um... (Jojo looks to the Cat for help, but the Cat makes it clear he's on his own.)

[Mr. Mayor, spoken]
Now Horton has found us. We're safe on a clover. But clearly, our troubles are far, far from over.

[Mrs. Mayor, spoken]
We don't mean to scold you. We love you, oh, yes, dear. But couldn't you try thinking just a bit less, dear?

[Mr. Mayor, spoken]
Stop telling such outlandish tales.

[Mrs. Mayor, spoken]
Stop turning minnows into whales!

[Mr. Mayor, spoken]
Now take your bath and go to bed.

[Mrs. Mayor, spoken]
And think some normal thinks instead!