How To Make Delicious Chocolate Pudding

[Verse 1]
I'm not talkin' 'bout the year we got the black dog
The year we got the dog - it was so exciting!
But it's the year after that
When Chocolate Pudding's ungroomed and fat
And on the wall
We rotten children all
Would see the inevitable writing

See, Dad had lost his job
He had grown ungroomed and fat
Just like Chocolate Pudding had
And every time he looked at Chocolate Pudding
It was like the dog stabbed him with a knife
"That miserable, fat, ungroomed dog is making a mockery of my life!"

[Chorus]
"Get him outta here!" he said,
"Get him outta here!
Take him back to the vets
Take him back to the breeders!
Please, get him outta here!"

[Post-Chorus]
"I don't want a dog around
When your mother gets home from work tonight," he prayed
But Mom never came home from work that night
Dad drank himself into a stupor
Conversation was always was super
And the dog stayed

[Verse 2]
I'm not really sure this song's about the black dog
'Cause it so happened when we got the beast
My family fell apart
But Chocolate Pudding became our family's heart
Replacing Mom
Who with a killer's aplomb
Had made a remarkable start

See, Ma became a star
Just like that Martha Stewart had
On TV or in the car, Mom just appeared
It was muy, mucho bizarre
But we quickly regained our footing
And Mom named her show - God's honest truth -
"How To Make Delicious Chocolate Pudding"!

[Chorus]
"Get a load-a her!" Dad said
"Get a load-a that!
She can speak like a queen and she knows so much lingo though I know what you mean when you say that she's crass
She's incredibly racked with a rack but no dingo
And a wonderful girl with her nose up her ass!
Boys, get a load-a that!"

[Post-Chorus]
Every time the dog heard Ma say "Chocolate Pudding"
Her program but his name
Dog would jump, he'd bark, he'd curse the dark
He'd work himself into a lather
Then try to regather
But Ma felt no blame

[Interlude]
Are you bored yet?
Are you bored yet?
I'm just trying to keep you amused
This is my stab at a nineteenth-century novella
Mill on the Floss-like
But I hope a best sellah

Not important
My inner critic decreed
But my God, it's so short
Plus it's easy to read!
And now as I try to end this narration
I see the literary train pull into an imaginary station

[Verse 3]
So on Christmas morn, we watched our mother on the TV
Dad, it so happened, was smoking a cigar
And Ma just kept on talking
About "Chocolate pudding blah blah blah must bake-"
Dog heard its name
Mauled onto dear old Dad
And Dad lit the dog on fire by mistake
Yes, the dog's hair caught on fire
Picture that in a frame
Look how a burning Chocolate Pudding spread the flame!

[Pre-Chorus]
Up in flames with the sofa
Curtains, adios!
All our Christmas presents went up in flames
Books gone, walls gone, ceilings gone
And a cooked Chocolate Pudding hit the lawn!

[Chorus]
"Get him outta here!" Dad said
"Make the dog vamoose!
Have him killed at the pound
Take it back to its breeders!
Fools!
Numbskulls!
Ffffarts!
Regurgitant!
Get him out of here!"

[Post-Chorus]
"I don't want the dog around
When I get home from work tonight," he prayed
But Dad never came home from work that night
We laughed ourselves into a stupor
How we disposed of Dad was super
And the dog stayed

[Outro]
The story, this simple bagatelle has ended
And the passengers on the literary train
At the imaginary station
Have all descended

I hope your stay here is a happy one