Horrible Patterns That Occur To Me :/

Ahhh, July the thirteenth, 2014. I will never forget this day.

And no, I don't mean that in a good way.

The day started when my little sister woke up the whole family by crying on and on about her headache. We all tried to make her feel better, but she always went back to moaning. Trust me, it was not a very good start to the day.

So I stayed in my room and lay on my bed, writing my parody book of Harry Potter (going to transcribe that later) for almost the whole morning, and yes, it was about Leo. Leo Messi. The guy who I believed would tell his haters the ultimate f*** you by winning that cup that was not a cup. It was a hand holding a ball. Why am I being so obvious?

Well, next, I stressed myself out for the whole match and convinced myself that Argentina would win because it was all I could do. Of course, that only backfired as I was even more let down in the end. Messi's free kick that went too high was the worst part.

For the whole extra time period, my sister watched Dora the Explorer on the iPad. It was really annoying, but I empathized her and didn't say anything about it. Later, when she watched this other show, I complained about how one of the songs didn't sound so good, but I let her watch the show in peace. And guess what? My parents thought I was selfish all along. They thought my silence during the game was thanks to how intense it was for me, and they thought I was going to go against my sister when she's sick. How horrible am I in their eyes, anyways?

Maybe not the entire Argentine team deserved that win. But there were a few that really did:

- Angel Di Maria. Scored a goal at the 118th minute during the match against Belgium that lifted the Argentines to a semifinal against the Netherlands. Later in that semifinal, Di Maria injured his thigh while trying to score, giving him an early exit to this World Cup. My parents say Argentina would've had a better chance of winning if he played this match.

- Gonzalo Higuain. The eighth minute against the Swiss. It was a really good goal, and his attacking isn't all that bad. I mean, look at how many chances he created this tournament!

- Javier Mascherano, who is one of the most underestimated players in this tournament. (Or should I say was?) Excellent defending that paid off a lot, but (rather unfairly and uncontrollably) good defense can't be as easily spotted as good offense. Not everyone noticed that his defending did pay off. Should definitely get more credit.

The list really isn't much longer, but you get the point, don't you? Romero was an excellent goalkeeper. Rojo was easy to spot, doing his job so well as a midfielder. And, most of all, Lionel Messi was the one who got Argentina through group stage. He practically lifted the nation onto his shoulders, and kept it there until his teammates could step up and offer help.

Not everyone on a team always plays well. Germany was pretty good, and I'd say they deserved to win this match.

This match.

A long time ago, I have learned that there is no such thing as complete fairness. All we can do is make things as fair as possible.

This match, La Albiceleste weren't at their best. But never mind this match, for that even if it defines everything, it does not.

It all depends on what you call everything.

For a lot of football fans, everything that seems to matter at a time like this is the World Cup. That is everything to them. It's not everything to me, or anyone I personally know. For example, to me, the pressure and effort and whatever you call it matters, too. Leo didn't win the World Cup for his country. (In fact, he basically failed on the last chance they had, which is something his haters will definitely say against him.) But he did what he could, which was to, as I said earlier, carry the whole nation of Argentina on his shoulders, so they can survive and at least have a chance to win.

They had gone so far, so far, but not far enough, not nearly.

Messi had a lot of pressure on him, that's definite. He did an amazing job, and that got Argentina into the knockout rounds for either the better or the worse. Of course, it was for the better back then.

But when you think about it now, what is worse than coming so close, so close to the best moment of your life, but discovering that you can't have it after all at the end?

That is what has been happening to me since forever: Getting a millimeter away from what I need, only to watch it slip away at the last nanosecond. It is a very disastrous repeating pattern.

The earliest of it I can remember is when I was in kindergarten. At a carnival, someone set up this competition for chopsticking marbles, and you could get a minature replica of the CN Tower if you won first place. Boy, I loved the CN Tower! (Still do!) What for second? Nada.

I'm not an expert at chopsticks, but I think I used them too much when I played with my dolls (don't ask), because I managed to beat everyone else except for this person. She was much older than me, maybe a fourth-grader. So, just as I was lifting my last marble into the other plate, the girl stepped on my foot.

Man, it hurt! She was freaking wearing cleats. And I was all, OWWWWWWWW! What was that?

She did it on purpose, I could tell from a glance at her face. She was grimacing in guilt, but at the same time grinning in triumph as she put her last three marbles in her plate.

The girl was three marbles behind me. The guy in the booth didn't see it, though, so the meanie (I called her exactly that in my head) got the minature CN Tower. There was a sort of swagger in her step as she strutted away. Of course, you strut with swagger. I just didn't know either words back then.

That was the first time this pattern occured to me that I remember.

I remember these things very clearly, do not ask how.

There was also when I nearly made the track and field team in grade 5, when I nearly managed to stop a friendship from breaking, when I nearly got the top time for 50 meter sprinting in grade 1, et cetera. So many nearly's, no dids. Not for those big accomplishments I got close to getting, anyway.

The very same happened to Argentina today. They were so close. Second place is even worse than third, because if you won the third place match you'd still technically be undefeated in the end. But if you lost the final, it's the most horrific defeat ever.

And that's only one of the patterns.

The other is my parents always expecting the worst of me. Like that example above. They never think I'd give a damn to do something that benefits others and not myself. Horrible. I don't want to keep talking about this one.

Pattern number three: I think this one is actually my fault - whenever I try to help someone, they're never thankful because even if I do try my best to help, disaster strikes. Like that time I was mountain biking with my summer camp people, and I told them that I would go back to camp instead of come with them because I was evidently slowing them down. Hey, I didn't want them slowed down just because of ME.

At the end, they came back to the camp because it turned out we had to go as a team. By then, everyone hated me because they all wanted to go on the trail but they couldn't because some stupid fifth-going-on-sixth-grader was too cowardly and came back. When I tried to explain that I was trying to help, they didn't listen and kept hating me. I can't really blame them on that one.

At the beginning of my analysis on this issue, I thought it was merely bad luck, but further investigation found that I'd been making assumptions every time and that it's horrible. But honestly, I don't think there has ever been a time when anybody has been thankful when I tried to help, even though they could tell :(

Now, I don't hate Messi. In fact, I still love him (as an awesome football/soccer/WHATEVER player). It was my fault that I suffered such a disappointment today, because I led myself into believing that his free kick would go in, that Argentina would be able to defend for 120 minutes, that whatever else I led myself into believing. It was all self-inflicted pain.

As for Messi, I've seen a lot of info about him about his recent football activity, and they weren't positive. But yeah, today was his last chance basically.

No matter what, he'll still be my hero. You can say he sucks, or he's got more Ballon d'Ors than he deserves, or he's overrated, or Ronaldo or Neymar or WHOEVER is better. But you won't change my mind.