Hitchhikers

You can't get folks to help anybody anymore
I got a ride and don't help folks anymore
I've almost got to ride just hatin' people
It's 1998 and you still see hitchhikers out on the interstate
Don't you just wanna pull over to these people and go
'Didn't you see the movie? How many movies have we gotta make?'

Y'all have copies of Texas Chainsaw Massacre in every glove compartment to hand out to hitchhikers
Here, when you get a life and a VCR, pop this in will ya?
You can go anywhere in this country on a bus for $89 therе and back
If you don't have a friend, a momma, relativе, loved one, somebody won't loan you $89
You suck as a human being, as far as I am concerned
And you ain't getting nowhere close to my car
Because I pick up nobody on the side of the road

I won't get a family of six, much less Ned with a duffel bag
Going to Horse Cave or something
Yeah alright Ned, you're gonna de-bowel me in a rest area somewhere
That's what's really gonna happen
I'm gonna wind up in Elizabeth town with my pants around my ankles, let's be honest

It could be a ninety year old woman, her two seventy year old daughters
They're all three on walkers, Hell's Angels ran them off the interstate
Their car goes down into a ravine
They're thrown from the car, the car explodes
The naked, elderly women crawl back to the interstate
Dragging the walkers behind them
All you're gonna see is blue-ass hair blowing as I go past
You now what I'm saying?
If I can't get somebody to let me into BP after 12 o'clock, I ain't helping nobody