High School Ladies At 5 O’Clock/The Rape of Miss Goldberg

["High School Ladies At 5 O'Clock]

[HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART] (often joined by other ladies)
High school ladies at 5 o'clock:
We be good girls all
Practicing adventures of a sort
Which divert you
But which never ever try to hurt you
High school ladies at 5 o'clock
They sing la la la la la la la
They sing la la la la
Oh, how they repititious
La la la la, mumble and walk
You see them: High school ladies at 5 o'clock, now

Sacrifice the pain
Sacrifice the worry
We be waiting in the street
Underneath the local fire engine
Tap us on the feet and we go for a walk
Just mention high school ladies at 5 o'clock
They sing la la la la la la la
They sing la la la la
Oh, how they repititious
La la la la, mumble and squawk
But meet us high school ladies at 5 o'clock, now

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la
La la lay hey
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la
La la lay hey

High school ladies at 5 o'clock
High school ladies at 5 o'clock
High school ladies at 5 o'clock
Hoichy chumbo, hoichy chumbo, hoichy chumbo
High school ladies at 5 o'clock
High school ladies at 5 o'clock
High school ladies at 5 o'clock

[SWEETHEART]
Does he like the rain?

[HIS WIFE & TEACHER]
Oh, yes, he do!

[SWEETHEART]
Is he better than banana?

[MARVIN] (behind the venetian blind with a chair on his head.)
Aaaaaah

[SWEETHEART]
Does he like the snow?

[WIFE & TEACHER]
Oh, yes, he do!

[SWEETHEART]
Is he better than banana?

[MARVIN]
Aaaaaah

[SWEETHEART]
Does he laugh?

[MARVIN]
No

[SWEETHEART]
Touch?

[MARVIN]
No

[SWEETHEART]
Drink?

[MARVIN]
No

[SWEETHEART]
Screw?

[MARVIN]
No

[SWEETHEART]
High school ladies at 9 a.m
We be waiting at the school
We admiring the photograph
Of Marvin on the stage
Turn the page and look at
High school ladies at 5 o'clock

[LADIES]
Does he like? Does he like?
Does he like to screw?
Does he like? Does he like?
Does he like to screw?
Does he like? Does he like?
Does he like to screw his friends?
Does he?

[WIFE & TEACHER]
Does he?

[MARVIN]
Does he?

[LADIES]
Does he like? Does he like?
Does he like to screw?
Does he like? Does he like?
Does he like to screw?
Does he like? Does he like?
Does he like to screw?

[MARVIN]
DOES HE?!

(Marvin is out from behind the venetian blind; now he's threatening his sweetheart with the chair he was standing on.)

["The Rape of Miss Goldberg"]

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
The Rape of Miss Goldberg by Marvin
Scene one

[MARVIN]
Hi, Miss Goldberg at your desk
My name's Marvin, we're alone at last
I turned fourteen just today
And I thought, for a not unseemly price
You'd introduce me to the wonders of the bed
And also treat me nice

I'm the boy who throws the fits
He who puts the chalk inside his ear
Do you know me from a hole in the wall?
Marvin's cute, though rarely good
But, dearest, please accept my hand
Miss Goldberg who
Is perfect womanhood

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene two

[TEACHER]
Why should Marvin jump on Miss Goldberg?
Why does Marvin dump on Miss Goldberg?
I knew
When I first I first looked in his eyes

[MARVIN]
I like your eyes, Miss Goldberg

[TEACHER]
Lies!
He has never seen my face!

[MARVIN]
I have never seen your eyes

[TEACHER]
I was never out of place
I taught

[MARVIN]
That's true, she minded her business
She taught

[TEACHER]
I taught and minded my business

[MARVIN, spoken]
But the business at hand...

[TEACHER]
Keep your hands off my eyes

[MARVIN, spoken]
But the business at hand is...

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene three

[MARVIN]
I always liked the way you wore your glasses
In and out of classes
I always liked the way you got angry in your glasses
That's cool, Miss Goldberg
I always thought those glasses hid your passion
That's Miss Goldberg's fashion, I said
Now it's my birthday and here's my surprise
I'm gonna see your eyes, Miss Goldberg
I'm gonna see your eyes, my darling

[TEACHER]
Don't touch my goddamn eyes
You little shit
I'll throw a fit
I'll beat your head in with a hammer

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene four

[TEACHER]
My eyes are my eyes
Your hands are your hands
Just keep your dirty fingers away from my face, kid
That's the only thing Miss Goldberg demands

[MARVIN, spoken]
Now move

(She doesn't.)

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene five

[MARVIN, spoken]
Now move!

(She does.)

(sung)
Listen, I'm a bastard bummer with a penis
And I mean us two to be together
Teacher, yes I do, I do, I
Mean us two to screw together
Me together, you together
Miss Goldberg?

[TEACHER, spoken]
What?

[MARVIN]
Miss Goldberg?

[TEACHER, spoken]
What?

[MARVIN]
Make Marvin a happy boy

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene six

[TEACHER, spoken]
One, two, three, four

[TEACHER]
What does Marvin want from Miss Goldberg?

What does Marvin want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin want from Miss Goldberg?
What does Marvin want from Miss Goldberg?

What does Marvin want from Miss Goldberg?
[MARVIN]
Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg
Please, please, please, rub your hands between
Your hands between my knees
La la la la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la la la

Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg, Miss Goldberg
Please, please, please, please
PLEASE
[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Scene seven

[MARVIN]
Marvin always gets the things he wants

He gets the things he wants

Marvin always gets the things he wants
He gets the things

He gets the things
[TEACHER]

Except the things he wants

Marvin always gets the
Things he wants, except the things he wants

Except the things

Except the things
[MARVIN & TEACHER]
He...

(Miraculously, Marvin is seen wearing Miss Goldberg's glasses. He hands the glasses back to her; she puts them on.)

[MARVIN, spoken]
Do you want my telephone number?

[SWEETHEART, spoken]
Curtain