Team StarKid & Joey Richter & Angela Giarratana & Jon Matteson & Mariah Rose Faith & Lauren Lopez
Team StarKid & Joey Richter & Lauren Lopez & Kim Whalen & Jon Matteson & Bryce Charles & Will Branner & Corey Dorris & Curt Mega
Team StarKid & Joey Richter
Team StarKid & Angela Giarratana & Will Branner
Team StarKid & Angela Giarratana & Mariah Rose Faith & Jon Matteson & Lauren Lopez & Joey Richter
Team StarKid & Angela Giarratana & Mariah Rose Faith & Lauren Lopez & Jon Matteson & Joey Richter
Team StarKid & Angela Giarratana & Mariah Rose Faith & Lauren Lopez & Jon Matteson & Joey Richter & Kim Whalen & Bryce Charles & Corey Dorris & Curt Mega
Team StarKid & Will Branner & Jon Matteson
Team StarKid & Bryce Charles & Corey Dorris & Jon Matteson & Lauren Lopez & Joey Richter & Curt Mega & Kim Whalen
Team StarKid & Lauren Lopez
Team StarKid & Mariah Rose Faith & Joey Richter
Team StarKid & Angela Giarratana & Mariah Rose Faith & Joey Richter & Jon Matteson & Lauren Lopez & Kim Whalen & Corey Dorris & Curt Mega
Team StarKid & Mariah Rose Faith & Joey Richter
Team StarKid & Angela Giarratana & Will Branner & Mariah Rose Faith & Joey Richter & Jon Matteson & Lauren Lopez & Corey Dorris & Curt Mega & Kim Whalen & Bryce Charles
Team StarKid & Angela Giarratana
The opening number of Nerdy Prudes Must Die. The song follows a cold open in which two of the deaths are immediately revealed to the audience. This number is something of a “how did we get there” moment, revealing the inciting incident of the whole show was Stephanie Lauter attempting to cheat on a...
[RICHIE]
I'm dead
The blood is all but draining from my head
The nightmare started there, but now has spread
My pulse is certainly droppin'
And my life is hangin' on by a thread
[RUTH]
I'm scared
Someone comes for me, I'm unprepared
[RICHIE & RUTH]
The wait has got me sweatin'
I can't cut through all the tension
[ENSEMBLE]
It's hell on Earth, you know
I'm tweetin' all about it
I take it blow by blow
But I'd never scream or shout it
[School bell rings]
[MISS MULBERRY, spoken]
Passing period is over, find your seats.
[ENSEMBLE]
High school is killin' me
It's got me all out of rhythm and my melody
It's not cool, it's a fallacy
It's a cruel and unusual brutality
And I can survive it for only so long
High school is killin' me
I'm so fuckin' dead
[MISS MULBERRY, spoken]
Alright, class, pop quiz! I hope you've been hittin' thе books. Miss Lauter!
[STEPH, spoken]
Shit.
(sung)
I was up all late last night and I couldn't fuckin' study
[ENSEMBLE]
Didn't want to anyway
[STEPH]
I was deep in a Twitter fight about a problеmatic puppy
[ENSEMBLE]
Problematic pooch
[STEPH]
I had heart palpitations
Tryin' to convert crypto to lunch money
There's nowhere to turn
[ENSEMBLE]
For the class of twenty-twenty-wurn
High school is killin' me
It's got me all out of rhythm and my melody
[FEMALE STUDENT]
My melody
[KYLE]
My melody
[ENSEMBLE]
A cesspool, faux democracy
It's one hell of a normal abnormality
[RICHIE]
Agh
[RUTH]
Agh
[PETE]
Agh
[ENSEMBLE]
And I can survive it for only so long (Only so long)
High school is killin' me
I'm so fuckin'–
[STEPH, spoken]
Hey! Hey, geek.
[PETE, spoken]
Me?
[STEPH, spoken]
Your name's Peter, right?
[PETE, spoken]
Yeah?
[STEPH, spoken]
Hi, Pete. We've been in classes together for a long time, haven't we?
[ENSEMBLE]
I'm so fuckin' dead
[PETE, spoken]
Ever since the first grade.
[STEPH, spoken]
And I'm just realizing, I've never introduced myself. I'm Stephanie.
[ENSEMBLE]
I'm so fuckin' dead
[PETE, spoken]
—Lauter, the mayor's daughter, I know.
[STEPH, spoken]
Yeah, but my friends call me Steph. We're friends, aren't we, Pete?
[ENSEMBLE]
I'm so fuckin' dead
[PETE, spoken]
I don't know, are we?
[STEPH, spoken]
Oh, I wouldn't advertise it to the whole school or anything, but, uh–
[PETE, spoken]
*chuckles*
[ENSEMBLE]
High school
[STEPH, spoken]
–but there's an unspoken bond between us! We're classmates, comrades, we're Nighthawks! We don't leave anyone behind.
[PETE, spoken]
I got left behind this morning. The bus driver's a fuckin' asshole.
[STEPH, spoken]
Yeah! We succeed together and we fail together. And I won't mince words, I'm gonna fail this test, Peter. Unless you help me cheat.
[PETE, spoken]
Cheat?!
[ENSEMBLE]
I'm so fuckin' dead
Eight o'clock bell ring, place my head on my desk
[STEPH, spoken]
Come on, just finish your exam, pass it to me and I'll put my name on it.
[ENSEMBLE]
Twelve o'clock, Girl Scout, can I just get my rest?
[STEPH, spoken]
I'll give you mine, you get to take the test all over again. Doesn't that sound fun?
[ENSEMBLE]
Three o'clock countdown
Everyday lockdown, classroom arrest
Is God the one giving the test?
[PETE, spoken]
Well, yeah. But won't we get in trouble?
[STEPH, spoken]
Please, Pete. Don't you wanna help me out?
[PETE, spoken]
Oh, alright.
[GRACE, spoken]
Cheaters!
[STEPH, spoken]
Oh, God. Butt out, Chastity!
[ENSEMBLE]
High school is killin' me
It's got me all out of rhythm and my melody
[PETE]
My melody
[STEPH]
My melody
[ENSEMBLE]
It's not cool, it's a tragedy
I've been thrown to the wolves of the community
[RUTH]
Aoo
[RICHIE]
Ouh
[KYLE]
Augh
[ENSEMBLE]
And I can survive it (I can survive it)
For only so long (Only so long)
And I'll still despise it (I'll still despise it)
When I am gone (When I'm gone)
High school is killin' me
[PETE, spoken]
Grace, just be cool.
[ENSEMBLE]
Fuck you, biology
[GRACE, spoken]
Never.
[ENSEMBLE]
High school will murder me
[GRACE, spoken]
Miss Mulberry, they're cheating!
[PETE & STEPH]
I'm so fuckin' dead
[ENSEMBLE]
Yeah
High School Is Killing Me was written by Jeff Blim.
High School Is Killing Me was produced by StarKid Productions.
Team StarKid released High School Is Killing Me on Fri Sep 15 2023.