Here at Horace Green

[MS. MULLINS (SPOKEN)]
Mr. Schneebly
Perhaps you're not familiar with this kind of institution
Let me explain something to you...

[MS. MULLINS (SUNG)]
Here at Horace Green
Our name has come to mean pure excellence
In every sense
Which we commandeer for quite a lofty yearly fee

When they write those checks
Each parent here expects their child to earn
A high return
And because they do, the pressure's on for you and me

Here at Horace Green
We rule the rankings
Lead in funding
Test right off the chart
Greatness is routine
The board demands it
Or we will both be ripped apart

[DEWEY (SPOKEN)]
Ah, no worries with me
If a kid gets out of line, I smack 'em -
Real hard

[MS. MULLINS (SPOKEN)]
There is no corporal punishment

[DEWEY (SPOKEN)]
But you do spank 'em though, right?

[MS. MULLINS (SPOKEN)]
Aha!
No

[MS. MULLINS (SUNG)]
At our hallowed school
The children as a rule learn discipline
We drill it in
With, as you might guess
The fear of doing less than well

While they're in our care
We tenderly prepare them to compete
With the elite
Till they are dispersed to Harvard
Or at worst, Cornell

Here at Horace Green
We take top honors
Crush our rivals
Wear the prep school crown

There's no in between
We get results here
Or the alums
Will hunt us down

Here at Horace Green
We stick to custom
Keep on schedule
Do what must be done
Don't and it will mean I go ballistic
Right
Then that's all
Good luck
Have fun