This song is about Julien’s battles with drug abuse and mental illness. It’s about her wanting to get better and doing everything to do so even if she doesn’t think it will work. The opening is about her dreaming of an “easy fix” where she can just rewire her brain entirely and she won’t have to wor...
[Verse 1]
If I could do what I want
I would become an electrician
I'd climb inside my ears
And I would rearrange the wires in my brain
A different me would be inhabiting this body
I'd have two cars, a garage, a job
And I would go to church on Sunday
[Verse 2]
A diagram of faulty circuitry
Explains how I was made
And now the engineer is listening
As I voice all my complaints
From an orchestra of shaking metal keeping me awake
I was just wondering if there's any way that You made a mistake
[Chorus]
Because I miss you the way that I miss nicotine
If it makes me feel better, how bad could it be?
Well I heard there's a fix for everything
Then why, then why, then why
Then why not me?
[Verse 3]
The first of April saw the sickening repair
Wore my best shirt to the clinic decorated with a laminate name
No one is laughing from an audience of folding plastic chairs
And I'm not fooled when you tell me that you're glad I came
Am I honest to admit or just a hypocrite?
I know I should be being optimistic but I'm doubtful I can change
Grit my teeth and try to act deserving
When I know there is nowhere I can hide
From your humiliating grace
[Chorus]
Because if you swear that it's true
Then I have to believe
What I hear evangelicals say on TV
And if there's enough left after everyone else
Then why, then why, then why
Then why not me?
Happy to Be Here was written by Julien Baker.
Happy to Be Here was produced by Julien Baker.
Julien Baker released Happy to Be Here on Fri Oct 27 2017.
In an interview with Pitchfork where Baker discussed each of the tracks on Turn Out the Lights individually, she provides specific insight into what the song is about:
Pitchfork: In this song you imagine a “normal” life for yourself. What’s the specific story you’re singing about?
Baker: I was on...