Halloween Bars

I'm dressed like a substitute teacher
I called The Creature From the Black Lagoon
To put him on a feature
Rikki-Tikki-Tavi like onomatopoeia
I'm the best of both worlds like mixing Ramadan and Easter

Call up your mama tell her I don't wanna see her
She always wanna get a dollar off a margarita
Carb-heavy with the order always pasta with a pizza
I only tell her "Asta" when it's followed by "la vista"

Man, I'm sick of y'all lames
Stick to y'all lane
Catch a hollow for sleeping on me
Ichabod Crane
Y'all look like the headless horseman Christopher Walken
File your teeth down to get cast by Timothy Burton
Fall equinox in the eastern time zone
I'mma start leaf peepin' like middle-aged white folks
Grind all summer like I'm steady 'bout the checks
Just to visit Maine and flex in my Eddie Bauer vest

Charlie Brown was a drug fiend y'all should connect the dots
He went to everybody's front door just to collect some rocks
I be the overacheiver
Great Pumpkin believer
Brand loyal with my snacks, I ain't ate nothing but Keebler

I'm the one they talkin' 'bout
Dippin into the haunted house
Dressed like Matisyahu, singin' like Modest Mouse
But don't invite him in
He'll toilet paper your office like Greg Pikitis did
Then leave when mama's not around
This ain't Santa comin' down in the chimney
Or a rabbit with a basket puttin' Cadburys in me
I put you down for the count just like Dracula simply
For the fact that like him I'm as white as Casper is friendly

Claimin' your freestyles are off of the top is
A falsified statement like what's inside a Count Chocula box
Minivan, Van Gogh, Van Der Beek, Van Halen
Van Helsing, ventriloquist hand inside when he speak
My intelligent rhymes are like a delicate wine
For the developing minds, they only get better with time
Unleash the pressure inside it's just like Jekyll and Hyde
'Cause oxygen becomes a precious supply when pressure's applied

Run up to your door, ring your bell, and I dive
Into the bushes
You walk out onto your steps and I hide
I sneak in, lock you out, smell something fresh up inside
Then pull a Jason Biggs and make a mess of your pie
What you wearin' short sleeves up in autumn for?
Y'all as po' as that dude reading on Forgotten Lore
Know what really gives your boy the heebie jeebies?
When freaking people call Reece's Pieces "reesy pieceys"

Mind sinister I'm sick of the
White-skinded ones dressing like Mike in Thriller does
Take the advice I give to ya:
Don't let a lad in to wear brown face like the prime minister
Don't be Pocahontas
Don't be Michael Jackson
Don't be Princess Jasmine
Don't be Prince Aladdin
Don't be Karl Malone
Don't be Queen Beyonce
Don't be Donald Glover
Don't be Harry Belafonte
You can be Snow White or Aaron Rodgers from the Packers
You can be his brother (that's the white dude from The Bachelor)
You can be Hermione
Or Dracoy from Slytherin
But I ain't exactly sure if you can be Blake Griffin

I'm confused on that one, but let's get it!
Happy Halloween, let's go