Grandma’s Killer Fruitcake

The holidays were upon us
And things were going fine
Til the day I heard the doorbell
And a chill ran up my spine
I grabbed the wife and children
As the postman wheeled it in
A yearly Christmas nightmare
Has just come back again

It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky
Heavy as a sermon of Preacher Lucky
One's enough to get the whole state of
Kentucky a great big belly ache
It was denser than a trove of barnyard turkeys
Tougher than a truckload of all beef jerky
Drier than a drought in Albuquerque

Grandma's killer fruitcake

Now, I had to swallow some marginal fare
At our famiy feast
I even downed Aunt Possum Pie
Just to keep the family peace
I winced at Wilma's Gizzard Mousse
But said it tasted fine

But, that lethal weapon Grandma baked
Is where I drawn the line

It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky
Heavy as a sermon of Preacher Lucky
One's enough to get the whole state of
Kentucky a great big belly ache
It was denser than a trove of barnyard turkeys
Tougher than a truckload of all beef jerky
Drier than a drought in Albuquerque
Grandma's killer fruitcake