Four-Letter Words

[Chorus]
The four-letter words, the four-letter words
That never say quite what you mean
We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways
Than as vulgar, impure and obscene

[Verse 1]
When nature is calling, plain speaking is out
When ladies, Lord, love 'em, are milling about
So, you may wee-wee, make water or green up the grass
You may powder your nose, even Johnny may pass
Shake the dew off the lily, see a man about a dog
Or when everyone's soused, try condensing the fog
But please do remember, if you would know bliss
That only in Shakespeare do characters

[Chorus]
Four-letter words, the four-letter words
That never say quite what you mean
We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways
Than as vulgar, impure and obscene

[Verse 2]
Now, a woman has bosoms, a bust or a breast
Those lily-white swellings that bulge 'neath her vest
They are towers of ivory, sheaves of new wheat
In moments of passion, ripe apples to eat
You may speak of her nipples as fingers of fire
With hardly a question of raising her ire
But by Rabbelais' beard, she will throw several fits
If you speak of them roundly as good honest

[Chorus]
Four-letter words, the four-letter words
That never say quite what you mean
We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways
Than as vulgar, impure and obscene

[Verse 3]
Though a lady oppose your advance, she'll be kind
Just as long as you intimate what's on your mind
You may tell her you're hungry, that you need to be swung
You may ask her to see how your etchings are hung
You may mention the ashes that need to be hauled
Put a lid on the saucepan, even "lay" is not too bold
But the moment you're forthright, be ready to duck
For the girl isn't born yet who'll stand for "Let's"

[Chorus]
Four-letter words, the four-letter words
That never say quite what you mean
We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways
Than as vulgar, impure and obscene

[Verse 4]
So let's banish those words that Elizabeth used
When she was queen virgin and itched on her throne
The modern maid's virtue is easily bruised
On meeting the four-letter words all alone
Let your morals be loose as an alderman's vest
If your language be weaselling, vague and obscure
Today not the act but the word is the test
Of the vulgar, salacious, illegal, impure

[Chorus]
The four-letter words, the four-letter words
That never say quite what you mean
We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways
Than as vulgar, impure and obscene