First Thing on My Mind

The first thing on my mind is my mom
Anytime I'm praised on the job I've been doing since you moved to the stars
I mean I knew that life could be hard
But I persevered; traveled the ocean of trauma, I'm a viking with scars
And it's more than saying your name
Just the other day my son and I were on the couch and we were playing your game
When thoughts of you bombarded my brain
I remember playing Pac Man with the misses in front; I miss you so much
You know what? I don't talk about my sister enough
I saw her for the first time in 6 years the other month
It felt good catching up as we twisted one up
And talked about our wild life
The world is a jungle, streets filled with wild life;
Tigers and bears
I prayed for Christ help then eventually silenced my prayers
It's survival of the fittest
I haven't held a Bible or even attended a church revival in a minute
But I did visit with my sister when she came through
It was cool, but right now I just have different views
Anything against my common sense I can't listen to
Hocus pocus, abracadabra, mixed with a witches brew
My mind was shackled so I had get my sentence through
Some people thought that I wouldn't make it; I'm not gon' mention who
Though I really wouldn't feel bad; I just don't wanna present myself as if I'm still mad
Cuz I'm far from it these days; I came a long way from having roaches in the PJ's
In the apartments that we stayed in here in VA
I'm talking early 90's; that life is now behind me
And I have so much in front of me
In a constant battle with who I am and who I wanna be
It's abundantly clear, when I look in the mirror, the person that I wanna be I haven't yet begun to see
I never wanted sympathy
Sometimes I sit and think about my lack of empathy
Like is meant for me to be this cold? I wasn't this way from the start
You died and took with you a piece of my heart;
Forever yours
I lost my religion when you passed, but I know you're with dad in heavens doors
I know your God’ll keep your soul
And at least I know instead of suffering you’re up there dancing in the streets of gold
Angelic wings and more than decent robe
Visions of heaven from what the preacher told
Two steppin’ in the name of freedom
And if you’re right about God I’m too afraid to meet him