Everything You Know Is Wrong

[Verse 1]
I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the backseat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed is it Uncle Frank? or Cousin Louie?
Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?
Could it be Bill or Jim? or Ed
Or Bernie or Steve?
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into a truck
And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my Hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

[Chorus]
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought
Was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

[Verse 2]
I was walking to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
The sucked out my internal organs
And they took some Polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me
Back to any point in history that I would care to go
And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
But then the floating disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling

[Chorus]
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 3]
I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty paper cut
And well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died
So now I'm up in heaven with Saint Peter by the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code
Well, he lets me into Heaven anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity and
Every day he runs by screaming

[Chorus]
Everything you know is wrong
Up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is that
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong