Eminem Sway In The Morning Freestyle

[Verse: Eminem (Paul Rosenberg/Sway)]
Let's take them back to the future (bars)
Bars, like Paul Rosenberg
The small frozen turd (don't censor me man)
Alright look, I had class, I just got expelled
I excelled at nothing in school
So if you're tryna test my patience it just failed
But King Mathers, I still get hailed
So call me sire, like I exhaled
After I had a deep ass breath held
I guess well, that'll make my size double XL
So kiss your highness's hinded ass
While I'm trying to stretch, it's time to exercise
I'm flexing, isometrics
Twice the reps 'til I get extra-sized
And set my bis and pecs and triceps on fire
Cause I'm coming out guns blazing
Like flaming pythons, my suggestion is parental discretion
Be advised, due to this mental aggression
We advise you to back up, like Byron Leftwich
I'm infectious, I rhyme like I got a sinus infection
A virus, I'm congested and I just ingested
Five Allegras but the side effects from these anti-depressants, they're tryna mess with my mind
I'm a regular Hyde and Jekyll
White with freckles but I silence hecklers
You might wanna head for the fire exits
I'm coming through like a wrecking ball
You would swear I think highly of Miley
And I respect her, the way I backhand her
Excuse my French, Montana, but I am worried about nutting
God damn it, I'm a sexist, I drive a Lexus
Textses out of her mind, and I'm in Texas
With a chainsaw, wait, what did I forget this
Time, oh, my machetes getting upset, he said
He was ready for me to come get him from inside the shed
It was time, he's restless
He wants to make blood shed like a storage unit
But before I do it, let me think this through
Cause if I behead this bitch then I'd be headless [slurping noise]
Mic check, one, two
I ain't barely check the mic just yet
And I just sweared like twice as many times
In less than ninety seconds
Than Andrew fucking Dice ever did in his fucking life
But I guess I'm expected to make these kinds of violent records
It's why I keep rhyming reckless
Fuck it, I swear, like a diamond necklace
Since freestyling over phone tap, my line's connected
With rhymes that kept in touch with the fans, that's why the more bars, the better my reception
And I give a fuck about sales, and fuck pop, I don't even like refreshments
Cindy Crawford tryna fend me off with a bendy straw
At the waffle house, awful mouth
But if you don't like what I'm talking about then block me out
Just then Foxy Brown, walks up and knocks me down
Kicks me and socks me, ow
Apparently still mad over what I said last year
On that Vegas track, I just look stupid and stand there
And try to act like I can't hear
What? Sorry dear, but I think Pam Grier just stuck a tampon in my damn ear
That's when my man Denaun Porter ran behind me to pantomime
That if you wanna kick his ass, stand in line
Hands inside my pants as I fantasize taking advantage
Of Brandy and Janet by grabbing my Spanish Fly
Like a blind Hispanic guy with his zipper stuck
Give a fuck, it's all part of my grand design
To get Amanda Bynes to come and fucking blow me like a dandelion
Better watch your step, you 'bout to cross an outlandish mine
I'm what you get if Aaron Hernandez rhymed
So stand aside unless you plan to find out how handy I am with a branding iron
Fuck talking clear so you all can hear
I'd rather rap like a fucking auctioneer
Fuck around and walk from here to the Southpaw premier
Get on Paul's back, rapping "Paul Revere"
So call me queer, cause I'm always weird
So praise a Genius, hope this don't get taken out of text
But Hillary, I promise to wipe my server clean if you face subpoenas
Got a name that speaks for itself like Anthony Weiner
Hands in between my pants in a theater, jacking my meat
A fan of Trina, Angelina, and Christina and Serena and Selena
Scarlett Johansson, Tiffani Amber Thiessen
Give me a damn good reason and not wanna slip an Ambien in the Cappuccino
And try to have a 3-sum with Janet Reno
I'm fucked worse than Donald Trump
On Lexapro in Mexico across from a Texaco in McDonald's drunk
Broke and out of gas, busted water pump
Getting fondled up by Ronald, feeling him on his rump
Oh yeah, and me and Alyssa Milano hump
We do
Bringing the horror to emcees like the aura of the Run DMC fedora
Addidas and Diadoras but I need at least three to four of those Rita Oras
In a four seater Taurus but tell them my face is the best seat in the house
I’ll let them bleed in my mouth while I’m eating them out (that’s disgusting, ow Jesus)
Heat seeking missile, duck, demented, sick, hate and see who gives a fuck
I invented prick, and that’s a true statement, I see the bitch in you Caitlyn
I keep the pistol tucked like Bruce Jenner’s dick
No disrespect though, not at all, no pun intended, that took a lot of balls (ay God damn)
Oh and Azealia Banks just wanna tell you thanks
Now I got trailer skanks sending me Ball Park Franks in the mail as pranks
And Hot Pockets, thanks a lot
Awful, I made monopoly off misogyny
Sodomy, how many chocolatey jell-o pops can he possibly lace, walking atrocity
No wonder you scoff at me, it’s still obvious I’m as off-putting as Bill Cosby is
Treat women like property, possessive like a noun with an apostrophe
S’s, I’d probably stalk broccoli, yes it’s
Socrates with a block of cheese and a dollar stuck in this soda pop machine
Got emcees dropping to knees, copping a plea bargain
They keep sobbing, like, “please stop it”
Aftermath, bitch, still Detoxing
Looking for us? We over here
Like we’re eavesdropping