Election Night

[DHH, spoken]
The ballot box is a mystery
Though no one exactly understands why it works
We all trust in its ultimate wisdom

(sung)
Behold, I tell you, a mystery
From our ancestral history
How the leaders of our institution

[Chorus]
Ah ah ah ah

[DHH]
Are chosen by our Constitution

[Chorus]
Ah ah ah ah

[DHH]
It's easy, sensible, and smart
Which you can learn by heart
By repeating after me

(spoken)
You'll get this in no time

(sung)
You got two

[Chorus]
Two?

[DHH}
I said two, main parties

[Chorus]
Well whatsamatter with one?

[DHH]
Well folks, that would be authoritarian
Utterly and totally
A totalitarian government

[Chorus]
Totalitarian government?
That would be bad!

[Xue Xing, spoken]
Why is that bad?

[Chorus and DHH]
You choose your views
You win, you lose
It's easy, sensible, and smart
Which you can learn by heart

[DHH]
By repeating after me

(spoken)
Good so far?

[Xue Xing]
Yeah!

[DHH, sung]
The candidates are chosen through a primary or caucus
Which leads to a convention that's orderly or raucous

[Chorus]
The candidates are chosen through a primary or caucus
Which leads to a convention that's orderly or raucous

[Female Chorus]
Every four years and you can spend as much money as you want to

[Xue Xing]
Is that a good idea?

[DHH]
We're voting

[Chorus]
We're voting

[DHH]
We're voting

[Chorus]
We're voting

[DHH]
We're voting

[Chorus]
We're voting

[DHH]
In America

[Chorus]
In America

[DHH]
We're voting

[Chorus]
We're voting

[DHH]
We're voting

[Chorus]
We're voting

[DHH]
We're voting

[Chorus]
We're voting

[DHH]
In America

[Chorus]
In America

[DHH]
When do we vote?

[Chorus]
When do we vote?

[DHH]
On the Tuesday after the first Monday in the month of November

[Chorus]
The month of November

[Chorus and DHH]
On the Tuesday after the first Monday in the month of November

[Chorus]
We're voting
We're voting
We're voting
We're voting

[Chorus and DHH]
In America!

[Xue Xing]
I got it!

[DHH, spoken]
Now onto college

[Xue Xing]
There's more?

[Chorus, spoken]
Now onto college?

[DHH]
The Electoral College

[Chorus]
Oh, the Electoral College!

[DHH, sung]
Each of the 50 states receives a number of electors
Equal to its total number of Senators and Representatives

[Xue Xing]
Wait...

[DHH]
The electors are pledged to vote for the candidate of the party
Unless they choose not to!

[Xue Xing]
What?

[DHH]
The winner of the majority of votes in each state takes all the state's electors
In a winner-take-all system

[Xue Xing]
Why?

[DHH]
The Electoral College ensured that smaller and rural states
Had a disproportionate say in selecting a president

[Chorus and DHH]
Which in the early days of our great nation
Ensured they could keep their slaves!

Hail, hail, the word of the ballot!
Hail, hail, the word of the ballot!

[DHH]
And the next President of the United States is...

[Chorus]
The word of the ballot!

[DHH]
Not Hillary Clinton!

[Chorus, spoken individually]
What?
That's not possible
What just happened?
Could the ballot box be wrong?
But the ballot box is never wrong!
So the next President is...

[DHH and Xue Xing, spoken]
The guy who hates China!

[Chorus]
We're with him, with the man
With him we know we can
Let our hatred run free
Destroy our enemy
With H-I-M we'll bury them
Bring them to their knees
These damn Chinese!

[DHH]
They've broken into the building!

[Chorus member, spoken]
Let's wreck this joint!

[Chorus, spoken]
Yeah!

(sung)
Make America great again!
Make America great again!
Make America, make America great again!

[Some Chorus continues, some sing]
Hear the call, make them fall
Rip them all limb from limb
We're with him
We're with him

[Chorus member, spoken]
Chinese, go home!