Eastward Ho ~ Act 3. Scene 3

A room in the Blue Anchor Tavern.

Enter SEAGULL, SPENDALL, and SCAPETHRIFT, in the tavern, with a Drawer.

Seagull.
Come, drawer, pierce your neatest hogsheads, and let's have cheer, not fit for your Billingsgate tavern, but for our Virginian colonel; he will be here instantly.

Draw.
You shall have all things fit, sir; please you have any more wine?

Spend.
More wine, slave! Whether we drink it or no, spill it, and draw more.

Scape.
Fill all the pots in your house with all sorts of liquor, and let 'em wait on us here like soldiers in their pewter coats; and, though we do not employ them now, yet we will maintain 'em till we do.

Draw.
Said like an honorable captain; you shall have all you can command, sir.

Exit Drawer.

Sea.
Come, boys, Virginia longs till we share the rest of her maidenhead.

Spend.
Why, is she inhabited already with any English?

Sea.
A whole country of English is there, man, bred of those that were left there in '79; they have married with the Indians, and make 'em bring forth as beautiful faces as any we have in England; and therefore the Indians are so in love with 'em that all the treasure they have they lay at their feet.

Scape.
But is there such treasure there, Captain, as I have heard?

Sea.
I tell thee, gold is more plentiful there than copper is with us; and for as much red copper as I can bring, I'll have thrice the weight in gold. Why, man, all their dripping-pans and their chamber pots are pure gold; and all their chains with which they chain up their streets are massy gold; all the prisoners they take are fetter'd in gold; and, for rubies and diamonds, they go forth on holidays and gather 'em by the seashore, to hang on their children's coats, and stick in their caps, as commonly as our children wear saffron gilt brooches and groats with holes in 'em.

Scape.
And is it a pleasant country withal?

Sea.
As ever the sun shin'd on; temperate, and full of all sorts of excellent viands: wild boar is as common there as our tamest bacon is here; venison, as mutton. And then you shall live freely there, without sergeants, or courtiers, or lawyers, or intelligencers, only a few industrious Scots, perhaps, who indeed are dispers'd over the face of the whole earth. But, as for them, there are no greater friends to Englishmen and England, when they are out on't, in the world, than they are. And, for my part, I would a hundred thousand of 'em were there, for we are all one countrymen now, ye know; and we should find ten times more comfort of them there than we do here. Then, for your means to advancement there, it is simple, and not preposterously mix'd. You may be an alderman there, and never be scavenger; you may be a nobleman, and never be a slave. You may come to preferment enough, and never be a pander; to riches and fortune enough, and have never the more villainy nor the less wit.

Spend.
Gods me! and how far is it thither?

Sea.
Some six weeks' sail, no more, with any indifferent good wind. And, if I get to any part of the coast of Africa, I'll sail thither with any wind; or, when I come to Cape Finisterre, there's a foreright wind continually wafts us till we come at Virginia. — See, our colonel's come.

Enter SIR PETRONEL.

Pet.
Well met, good Captain Seagull and my noble gentlemen! Now the sweet hour of our freedom is at hand. — Come, drawer! Fill us some carouses, and prepare us for the mirth that will be occasioned presently. Here will be a pretty wench, gentlemen, that will bear us company all our voyage.

Sea.
Whatsoever she be, here's to her health, noble colonel, both with cap and knee.

Pet.
Thanks, kind Captain Seagull; she's one I love dearly and must not be known, till we be free from all that know us. And so, gentlemen, here's to her health.

Ambo.
Let it come, worthy Colonel; we do hunger and thirst for it!

Pet.
Afore Heaven, you have hit the phrase of one that her presence will touch from the foot to the forehead, if ye knew it.

Spend.
Why, then, we will join his forehead with her health, sir; and, Captain Scapethrift, here's to 'em both.

Enter SECURITY and BRAMBLE.

Sec.
See, see, Master Bramble, 'fore Heaven, their voyage cannot but prosper! they are o' their knees for success to it!

Bram.
And they pray to god Bacchus.

Sec.
God save my brave colonel, with all his tall captains and corporals. See, sir, my worshipful learned counsel, Master Bramble, is come to take his leave of you.

Pet.
Worshipful Master Bramble, how far do you draw us into the sweet briar of your kindness! — Come, Captain Seagull, another health to this rare Bramble, that hath never a prick about him.

Sea.
I pledge his most smooth disposition, sir. — Come, Master Security, bend your supporters, and pledge this notorious health here.

Sec.
Bend you yours likewise, Master Bramble; for it is you shall pledge me.

Sea.
Not so, Master Security; he must not pledge his own health.

Sec.
No, Master Captain?

Enter QUICKSILVER, with WINNIE, disguis'd.

Why, then, here's one is fitly come to do him that honor.

Quick.
Here's the gentlewoman your cousin, sir, whom, with much entreaty, I have brought to take her leave of you in a tavern; asham'd whereof, you must pardon her if she put not off her mask.

Pet.
Pardon me, sweet Cousin; my kind desire to see you before I went made me so importunate to entreat your presence here.

Sec.
How now, Master Francis, have you honor'd this presence with a fair gentlewoman?

Quick.
Pray, sir, take you no notice of her, for she will not be known to you.

Sec.
But my learned counsel, Master Bramble here, I hope may know her.

Quick.
No more than you, sir, at this time; his learning must pardon her.

Sec.
Well, God pardon her, for my part; and I do, I'll be sworn. And so, Master Francis, here's to all that are going eastward to-night towards Cuckold's Haven; and so to the health of Master Bramble.

Quick.
I pledge it, sir. [ kneeling ] Hath it gone round, captains?

Sea.
It has, sweet Frank; and the round closes with thee.

Quick.
Well, sir, here's to all eastward and toward cuckolds, and so to famous Cuckold's Haven, so fatally rememb'red.

Surgit.

Pet.
[ to WINIFRED] Nay, pray thee, coz, weep not. — Gossip Security.

Sec.
Ay, my brave gossip.

Pet.
A word, I beseech you, sir. — [ aside ] Our friend, Mistress Bramble here, is so dissolv'd in tears, that she drowns the whole mirth of our meeting. Sweet gossip, take her aside and comfort her.

Sec.
[ aside to WINIFRED] Pity of all true love, Mistress Bramble; what, weep you to enjoy your love? What's the cause, lady? Is 't because your husband is so near, and your heart earns to have a little abus'd him? Alas, alas! the offence is too common to be respected. So great a grace hath seldom chanc'd to so unthankful a woman; to be rid of an old jealous dotard, to enjoy the arms of a loving young knight, that, when your prickless Bramble is withered with grief of your loss, will make you flourish afresh in the bed of a lady.

Re-enter Drawer.

Draw.
Sir Petronel, here's one of your watermen come to tell you it will be flood these three hours; and that 't will be dangerous going against the tide; for the sky is overcast, and there was a porpoise even now seen at London Bridge, which is always the messenger of tempests, he says.

Pet.
A porpoise! — what's that to th' purpose? Charge him, if he love his life, to attend us. Can we not reach Blackwall, where my ship lies, against the tide, and in spite of tempests? Captains and gentlemen, we'll begin a new ceremony at the beginning of our voyage, which I believe will be follow'd of all future adventurers.

Sea.
What's that, good Colonel?

Pet.
This, Captain Seagull. We'll have our provided supper brought aboard Sir Francis Drake's ship, that hath compass'd the world; where, with full cups and banquets, we will do sacrifice for a prosperous voyage. My mind gives me that some good spirits of the waters should haunt the desert ribs of her, and be auspicious to all that honor her memory, and will with like orgies enter their voyages.

Sea.
Rarely conceited! One health more to this motion, and aboard to perform it. He that will not this night be drunk, may he never be sober.

They compass in WINIFRED, dance
the drunken round, and drink carouses.

Bram.
Sir Petronel and his honorable captains, in these young services we old servitors may be spar'd. We only came to take our leaves, and, with one health to you all, I'll be bold to do so. Here, neighbor Security, to the health of Sir Petronel and all his captains.

Sec.
You must bend, then, Master Bramble. [ They kneel. ] So, now I am for you. I have one corner of my brain, I hope, fit to bear one carouse more. Here, lady, to you that are encompass'd there, and are asham'd of our company. [ They drink, and rise. ] Ha, ha, ha! by my troth, my learn'd counsel, Master Bramble, my mind runs so of Cuckold's Haven to-night that my head runs over with admiration.

Bram.
[ aside to SECURITY] But is not that your wife, neighbor?

Sec.
[ aside to BRAMBLE.] No, by my troth, Master Bramble. Ha, ha, ha! A pox of all Cuckold's Havens, I say!

Bram.
[ aside to SECURITY] A' my faith, her garments are exceeding like your wife's.

Sec.
Cucullus non facit monachum, my learned counsel; all are not cuckolds that seem so; nor all seem not that are so. Give me your hand, my learn'd counsel; you and I will sup somewhere else than at Sir Francis Drake's ship to-night. — Adieu, my noble gossip!

Bram.
Good fortune, brave captains; fair skies God send ye!

Omnes.
Farewell, my hearts, farewell!

Pet.
Gossip, laugh no more at Cuckold's Haven, gossip.

Sec.
I have done, I have done, sir. — Will you lead, Master Bramble? Ha, ha, ha!

Pet.
Captain Seagull, charge a boat.

Omnes.
A boat, a boat, a boat!

Exeunt all except Drawer.

Draw.
Y' are in a proper taking indeed, to take a boat, especially at this time of night, and against tide and tempest. They say yet, "Drunken
men never take harm." This night will try the truth of that proverb.

Exit.