Dressing Room Sketch: You Can’t Need Me/I Can Do It

Part 1 – getting ready
(the sketch is performed in concert. The setting is a backstage
Dressing room where reba is preparing herself to face the audience
Stage manager knocks on the door)
Stage manager: reba!
Reba: yes?
Stage manager: you’re on in ten minutes
Reba: thank you!
Reba: ten minutes, ten minutes! I gotta go out there and face those
People in ten minutes. Well god, here we go again! Little ole me
Representing big ole you. But what in the world am i gonna say? Oh
Come on reba, you’ve done this plenty of times! Just lift your head up
And walk out… smiling. And for goodness sakes don’t fall! Just be a
Lady. That is what everybody calls you, isn’t it? If they only knew…
Why does it seem like every time is like the first time all over again?
If those people could only see me… the way i see me

Part 2 - you can’t need me
I’m just a little girl
But you gave me a great big story to tell
You know i’m really shy
Get these butterflies inside
But don’t you tell! Please, don’t tell!
Sometimes i wonder why you picked me of all people
To travel like a gypsy only in my silver eagle
I love to sing and shine for you
In sparkling high heel slippers
But when my feet begin to throb
I wish i had my sneakers
Oh they call me reba lady
And i hope that’s what you’re making me
But often times i feel inside
The lady’s just a hick!
My mouth’s too big
My nose turns up so much i might drown if it rains
When i sing, please don’t rain!
My voice is strange
The songs i write aren’t quite your normal melodies
They’re unique, to say the least
I’ve been accused of writing tunes
In mysteries and riddles
What’s that again? Oh yeah, i know
You said you would have a peculiar people
Lord you can’t need me
You can’t need me
You can’t need me, (you don’t want her)
You can’t need me
You’ve got billy graham
Who must have won your church a million members
Bill gaither with his lovely songs
And evie with her dimples
You’ve got my mom who writes and sings
And we all know she’s gorgeous (whistle)
Dallas holm and rise again
Andrae with his confidence
Expert theologians who make such fancy speeches
But when it comes to me and speeches lord
All i got’s a slight impediment
I’m going back to tennessee
You got all them, you can’t need me
Lord you can’t need me
You can’t need me
No, you can’t need me
You can’t need me
You can’t need me
(reba speaking) ad lib… name other current artists
Why don’t i just go on back to tennessee and i’ll be a doctor, a
Surgeon or a secretary. Anything, anything but go sing to those
People. I think i’ll just go on out the door and they won’t even…
Part 3 - dialogue
God (offstage): reba! Reba, darlin’, do you love me?
Reba: do i love you? Now what kind of question’s that? Have you
Seen that bus out there? Do you know how many thousands of
Dollars that thing cost? Let me see, there’s one two three… twelve
People on the payroll. Do you know how many radio interviews i’ve
Done this week? How many people i’ve talked to? You know i love you!
God: then feed my sheep
Reba: what?
God: reba
Reba: yes sir?
God: do you love me?
Reba: do i love you? I’m still singing for you aren’t i? After what
Happened the other night… could you believe the nerve of that woman
Comin’ up and tellin’ me i sounded like somebody callin’ hogs when i
Sing? (god laughs) you can sit up there and laugh all you want to
But i’m sure nobody ever told you that you sounded like you were
Callin’ hogs when you sang, now did they?
God (still laughing): yes
Reba: really? You’re just teasing me. He’s just teasing me. But you
Know what? A woman like that she didn’t even give me a chance. She
Didn’t hear to a word i said
God: she doesn’t listen to a word i say either
Reba (laughing): lord, you know i love you
God: then feed my lambs
Reba: feed your lambs?
God: reba, do you really love me?
Reba: yes, lord
God: then feed my sheep
Reba: but lord, you must have others, you’ve gotta have others that
Can do this a whole lot better than me
God: i need you
Reba: but lord, sometimes i just feel like i can’t
God: remember phillipians 4:13?
Reba: yes
God: i love you reba. I even turned your nose up, because you look
Cuter that way. I love you!
Part 4 – i really think i can do it
Writers: reba rambo-mcguire, dony mcguire
Here i am feelin’ alone
Wishin’ you’d let me go home
This little girl’s insecure
Can you find someone else?
Not easy for me to see
Your reasons for needing me
I tried to just brush it from my mind
Then turn and walk away
But somehow i keep remembering
Things i’ve tried hard forgetting
Like words you placed within my mouth
You thought only i could say
The way that you keep on loving
The way you keep on trusting
Though i fail, oh why do i fail?
But you seem to think i can do it
I have your word i can do it
Anything, anywhere, anytime
I can do all things through your name
Though i may be feelin’ small
Help me be like the little boy david
Take weapons you provide
And say the giant’s in my way
You know, i really think i can do it
I have your word i can do it
Anything, anywhere, anytime
I can do all things
I really think i can do it
I have your word i can do it
Anything, anywhere, anytime
I can do all things
(3 knocks on the door and stage manager says “50 seconds reba!”)
I really think i can do it
Believing in you has convinced me
You won’t do it all by yourself
You need me!
(applause)
Announcer: ladies and gentlemen, reba…
(music for never ending love then fade…)