Don’t You Dare Ever Break Up With Me

I’m gonna cut off your fingernails
Way too close to the skin
Dye your hair leave the shit in way too long
So it burns on your scalp
I’ll fix you up some bad taco meat
Spray hot sauce in your eyes
Make you eat lots of really stale cake
And not give you any milk
I’m not fucking around
Do I look like some clown
Who’s using metaphor
To describe the heartbreak I feel
I always mean what I say
Trust me I’ll make you pay
That’s what you get for breaking up with someone crazy as me
I’ll flood your inbox with spam email
Throw your phone in a pond
Sign you up for all those stupid catalogs
So you’ll get lots of junk mail
I’ll tell that army recruiter guy
That you want to enlist
Hе’ll call you up over 50 times a week
In hopes that you will say yеs
I tried to show you how much that I loved you
By taking all your underwear
But then you gave me that restraining order
Now I can’t be near, the one I hold so dear
I’ll do anything that I can do to you to make you see
We were meant to be
I’ll do anything that I can do to you to make you see
You were meant for me
Oh well
If I can’t have you no one will