Doin’ Well

Is it too much to ask of no one that I keep doing well
Is it too much to think, with the blankets so thick
That the cold air is caring, there's some sort of fairness

Is it too much to ask of no one that I keep doing well
Is it too much to think there’s a meaning among it
A hand in the water to lift me above it

Is it too much to ask of no one that I keep doing well
That there’s some sort of magic with so many names
A god or a spirit, we all sometimes feel it

A lie or a promise of something when I’ve not been doing well
A made up creator or spirits of nature I don’t even mind if its totally fake

I can grab onto air if I’m told it’s a rope when I’m doing well
But show mе the kingdom of god when I’m broken
And I'll find a rеason the whole thing is hopeless

A liar I totally trust every time I’m not doing well
So maybe I'll need something more than what’s real
When I’m told there’s no healing wrapped up in this feeling

No matter how hard I keep trying I'll never keep doing well
I need something more than what’s worldly and average
I need something cosmic come feed me some magic

Just something that doesn’t break down every time I’m not doing well
Though love is the ultimate joy in the world
It still stops at the gates of the infinite forest

If love is the ultimate truth then I think I might need a lie
Awareness is what got me into this mess
So maybe some blindness will grant me some rest

Or maybe the lies are the actual natural way of life
And eyes ever opened will make you feel hopeless
So do what you can to keep life out of focus

My god is the greatest of gods cause it eats all the other ones
Worship of truth of a god most uncaring
The others enforce it but this one eats fairness

Demanding we sacrifice anything that might be made from soul
Burn off your dreams that aren’t made from what's real
And remove all the crutches that keep you from healing

Or anything else that we need to believe just to do our best
The truth can be worn by the cruelest disease
As it uses its name and it makes me believe

Lots of things that are more without proof than a lot of that other stuff
Then truth that was banished walks back to the kingdom
The people rejoice and the choirs are singing

So be there to open the gate when you hear that soft knocking sound
But can you be certain the god has returned
Because maybe it’s something that’s planning to hurt you

Is it too much to ask that things I contend with make any sense
Or sense was the way that we learned to contend
With the thoughts and emotions that all seem to end

In the moment when I go from doing to not really doing well
Once you’ve encountered the worst of all feelings
It doesn’t make sense because sense as we know it

Is just how you organize minds that are normal and doing well
Madness is more like a kid in a forest
With no one to guide because no one’s explored it

It’s not somewhere most people go so we never quite made the words
People who go and come back do their best
To describe it to others but most of the rest of them

Think that it’s art and its fun ‘cause it takes you to other worlds
But those who have spent any time in that forest
Can see what's been said and then just for a moment

Can feel like they might not be endlessly totally all alone
And that's why this song is as long as it is
There's a chance that I'd maybe be scrapping a lyric

That reaches from sound like a hug for a brain saying you'll be fine
Something to have when the monster returns
When it says you're alone maybe something to turn to

And know that I swear to my god as of right now I do believe
Regardless of where anybody is starting
That there is a life that is worth all the hardship

‘Cause somehow my god of the truth doesn’t mind when I say those words
So maybe there’s something alive in the stars
Because hope is divine but it comes from within us

Is it too much to ask of no one that I keep doing well
The arc of the story is totally different
When I am the hero but also the villain

We’re told that there’s evil among us but this one feels deep inside
And it’s hard when it bites me to punch at its teeth
‘Cause I aim for the mouth and then realize it’s me

Is it too much to ask of no one that I keep doing well
Is it too much to think with the blankets so thick
That the cold air is caring there's some sort of fairness

Is it too much to ask of no one that I keep doing well
That this not be an island surrounded by lake
That this not be a daydream and I'll just wake up

Is it too much to ask of no one that I keep doing well
That the serums are more than a way to conceal
That it wasn’t a bandage, I’ve really been healed

But there’s no way to know until one day I'll just not be doing well
And then when that ends add a couple of months
And the thoughts that I'm writing return all at once

But deep down at the base of my brain I know when I've been doing well
A timer is ticking I can't hear the chimes
I wish I could break it and find out who winds it

And say "What the hell do you think it's a game to be doing well?"
What a sick sense of humor that maker must have
To wait ‘til I feel like I have it controlled and then

Crush me like leaves in the fall in the hands of a walking child
Picked at and pulled without thoughts in a moment
The boredom of stars or it’s something much colder

If nothing’s in charge well then who should I ask to keep doing well
‘Cause the experts I speak to tell stories quite clear
Though you’re safe for a while you’ll never quite heal

You will walk with this now ‘til the day when your body says: "Friends, farewell."
The fight will be over as soon as you are
And we noticed you've already added some scars

You will never be quite as you were you will never have nothing wrong
Your old life is dead but let's keep you alive
As you're coming to terms with the rest of your life

And I know it seems crazy but one day you will be at peace with this
Until then we need you to try to stay focused
We’ll do what we can but for now when you're hopeless

Just try not to do anything that you know you cannot take back
And if you can manage to spare your own life
Then we promise we’ll make this whole thing worth your while

So I made a deal with myself and decided to choose a day
About ten months later, a Monday in May
But until then I swore that I’d do what they say

I will take what you tell me to take I will do what you say to do
All while believing it all was a lie
But at least at the end I could say that I tried

Then a light began flickering somewhere inside a collapsing star
A child that's mine that I never conceived
But we grew up together and now I believe

It was hope in the form of an angel who thought it was not my time
Hope out of nothing is purely divine
We become our own gods when we save our own lives

And the date came and went and I reread the note that I’d sent myself
I have so much respect and I owe such a debt
To the person I was who decided to give us some time

Just to see and make sure there were no possibilities
Although he was certain those boxes were empty
He chose to make sure and it turns out there's plenty

Of ways for a person like him and like me to be doing well
I owe him my life 'cause he had every right
To spare him that pain but he spared our whole life

And although it's impossible I understand that it makes no sense
I think if I somehow could send him a message
I’d say not a word cause I think it'd be selfish

To ask him to stay just so one day he’d slowly turn into me
A bargain he made on his own I won't question
But I couldn’t bring me to make that suggestion

To ask someone else to exist in that place is a crazy thing
But if he can do it I think I can too
I'm inspired by all of the things that he went through

Although he was certain he never again would be doing well
The thought of it truly just never occurred
I wish I could bring him to now and say:

"You are my parent and you are my son and I am just so proud of you
You're braver than I know you ever imagined
And I’m only here ‘cause you chose to allow it

For reasons I still and don't think that I ever will understand
With weights on your ankles you chose to keep swimming
Not even believing the fight was worth winning

You chose to continue to let yourself drown in a burning lake
You had the option but you didn't take it
To say your goodbyes and be brought to the sky

But you chose to continue to burn and be burned every single day
With no way to know that it’d ever be worth it
With no guarantee that you'd ever stop hurting

With voices that yelled: 'there's no use you will never be free from this!
You'll burn 'til the day you when finally give in
So why are you waiting for even one second!'

The seconds you gave turned to months turned to years turned to who I am
I promise that none of that will be in vain
I will give all I have and I'll do something great

‘Cause I know just exactly how much you decided to sacrifice
I've been back to that lake and I still can’t believe
That you stayed even though you thought you'd never leave

Thought if others could feel what you felt they would tell you it's fine to leave
It's only because they don't know what it's like
When they ask you to stay they can say it so lightly

I’d pause as I'd say that to me even knowing the things I know
So it means so much more that you did it in blindness
I'll cherish this life that you birthed out of kindness

I can't understand it but just sort of wish I could shake your hand
I wish you could know what a hero you are
I will write down your story and spread it across

All the world so that people who stand in that lake might feel some relief
That you never got but that now can be given
I'll find the right words and be sure they’re delivered
In only the finest of ways I'll make songs that you'll never hear

For whatever it's worth I'll just say one more thank you
You showed me that life even mine is worth saving"