Dialogue (Live At The Sands Hotel, Las Vegas/1963)

Frank Sinatra: Well for Gods sake if it ain't Ben Casey. Where have you been Ben Casey. Ben Casey. Ah you're there. My friend's a doctor.

Dean Martin: I just brought a little food here. Here I'm going to make you the most...

Frank Sinatra: I'd rather do it myself if you don't mind.

Dean Martin: Sure you got a headache but don't take it out on me.

Frank Sinatra: Last time you mixed me a drink I was out of it for a week.

Dean Martin: Well why not.

Frank Sinatra: This is a charming idea to have the bar right on the stage. I mean thе snack bar folks.

Dean Martin: It's my party I can...

Frank Sinatra: I think that's enough crisp baking right therе

Dean Martin: It's my party I can cry if I wanted. If I had a hammer I'd snack you in the mouth.

Frank Sinatra: Say, speaking of bars and all this kind of stuff let me ask you a question. How do you make a fruit cordial? I asked you a question.

Dean Martin: Be nice to him I guess.

Frank Sinatra: Oh come on. Silly fool. I have a toast. May I.

Dean Martin: Yes sir.

Frank Sinatra: This is your stage. I better get... I might as well get permission.

Dean Martin: It's your world. I'm just living in it. Baby.

Frank Sinatra: At last I met the perfect girl. And her I do adore. She's deaf and dumb and over sex and she operates a liquor store. Couldn't have asked for a softer touch than that folks.

Dean Martin: I also have a toast.

Frank Sinatra: You have a toast?

Dean Martin: Yes sir. I kissed a brown eyed aging cow who gave me milk and cheese. Now I'm lying on my back with hoof and mouth disease.

Frank Sinatra: I didn't know you were a farmer.

Dean Martin: You didn't know that. Yeah. I plow around. Hahahaha. Hi everybody. How did everybody get into our room?

Frank Sinatra: Say I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes.

Dean Martin: Why, am I in town?

Frank Sinatra: Now be serious.

Dean Martin: I tried being serious Frank. All I could get was construction work. You know what a thrill it is to get a hernia at $62.50 a week.

Frank Sinatra: Now Dean.

Dean Martin: He was here a minute ago, I'll get him. Hey baby.

Frank Sinatra: Listen. I want to talk to you about your drinking.

Dean Martin: What happened? I miss a round?

Frank Sinatra: No you didn't miss a round. I want to talk to you about the amount that you drink. Have you heard... Are you cognizant of the fact that they are saying things.

Dean Martin: Am I what-nizant?

Frank Sinatra: Cognizant. I didn't say anything dirty.

Dean Martin: It started out dirty Frank. That's all I got to...

Frank Sinatra: Well let me clear it up for you. Are you aware of the fact that people are making remarks about your drinking in the pit and in the coffee shop and in the other hotels and in the pro shop and in the other pro shop where I went by last night. You know what they're saying about you.

Dean Martin: What are they saying?

Frank Sinatra: They're saying that you're The Mafia of the Mash. Your're The Boss of the Booze. The Count of Courvoisier.

Dean Martin: And how bout you.

Frank Sinatra: Me.

Dean Martin: Yeah you with that elevated suit on. You, you, you. You shoot a pretty good stick with that bottle yourself, buddy. Tell you that. Your known as a pusher for Jack Daniels. I think...

Frank Sinatra: Ah ha but I don't inhale.

Dean Martin: If you're going to hit me with logic I don't want to chit chat.

Frank Sinatra: And don't finish that either.

Dean Martin: No I wont. Let's have a drink.

Frank Sinatra: What? You are drinking.

Dean Martin: Oh is that my hand. Alright.

Frank Sinatra: What I'm trying to say to you is that every time you drink when you're on stage doing a performance you expose yourself.

Dean Martin: I didn't know I was doing that.

Frank Sinatra: You didn't know that?

Dean Martin: Nah. The worst I ever done was maybe slip on a Saturn Dress. You know but then it was in the privacy of my own closet. What the hell.

Frank Sinatra: Why do you drink so much?

Dean Martin: I drink to forget.

Frank Sinatra: Forget what?

Dean Martin: I don't know. I forgot that long time ago.

Frank Sinatra: You know I figured out the only time you don't drink is when you're asleep.

Dean Martin: Don't bet on it. I now put it in a vaporisor and the whole room is drunkified. I get up, I inhale, I got it made. Went to the bathroom this morning, hit the floor only once.

Frank Sinatra: Answer me something.

Dean Martin: Question me. Question me. Question me.

Frank Sinatra: What is this gripping compulsion that you have to constantly drink drink drink drink.

Dean Martin: Well, Frank Frank Frank Frank.

Frank Sinatra: You see. I told you he is seeing three and four at a time, not only one.

Dean Martin: Some guys gamble, right. Other guys take it in the arm. Some of them smoke them Mexican mothers but that's enough about me. We'll just go on with the show.

Frank Sinatra: Don't evade the question. Why do you drink so much?

Dean Martin: Well technically, technically, technically. Its a chemical lack in my abasim->>metabolism.

Frank Sinatra: You're kidding.

Dean Martin: Yes sir. I was born with an arterial deficiency.

Frank Sinatra: I didn't notice that in the steam room yesterday. Alright Max drop it now.

Dean Martin: Well you see my structure craves and needs alcohol. I'm alright. My body's a drunk. That's all. Mentally I'm a nun.

Frank Sinatra: Hey, come on now. Mentally you're a nun?

Dean Martin: And I said I'm known as Sister Dino. You didn't know that did you. You'd think Jack would try to put a little heat in this room, I'm freezing.

Frank Sinatra: Take your hand out of the ice bucket. Tell me something. Do you fall in the street a lot?

Dean Martin: It's the only time I get any rest Frank.

Frank Sinatra: Well what happens when you fall on the street.

Dean Martin: I hurt myself, what do you think.

Frank Sinatra: That's not the answer.

Dean Martin: No, you think these are cufflinks. These are curb feelers. That's how I get around. And also I have a tag around my neck. It says don't give this man insulin, he's a drunk. That's what it...

Frank Sinatra: Would you be willing to admit there is a psychological reason behind all your drinking.

Dean Martin: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Frank Sinatra: Want to explain it.

Dean Martin: Yeah. As soon as I think of it. Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm insecure. I feel inferior. You see I can't accept the fact that I'm Dean Martin, a big movie star so I must drink in order to believe I'm Dean Martin. Without booze I'm Eddie Fisher.

Frank Sinatra: Is that bad?

Dean Martin: Not for Tony Martin it ain't bad but for me it is.

Frank Sinatra: Then why do you keep telling people you're Jewish.

Dean Martin: I'm not... Am I not Jewish?

Frank Sinatra: No.

Dean Martin: How come I had my nose fixed?

Frank Sinatra: Because your mouth wasn't working right. That's why.

Dean Martin: Mouth? I even joined a temple.

Frank Sinatra: You didn't.

Dean Martin: Yes sir, and when we say high holy days boy, we mean high holy days. Did you know Lincoln was Jewish.

Frank Sinatra: No. God damn that is not...

Dean Martin: Hey there. Yeah, he was shot in the temple.

Frank Sinatra: Oh get out of here.