Dear Diary

[Verse 1]
Dear diary
Today just got a little bit better
90 days and I'm thankful for the change in the weather
I just prayed and got a little relief
For the first time since my mother and God met up together
Man it's crazy
I'm just thinkin' positive things
It really changed me
I can feel the weight on my brain
Gettin' lifted, this depression and sickness it really tipped me
But I refuse to fall into the wickedness ways
I refuse to be that son again
Black out the sun again, I won't turn and run again
Good is in the front again
And I'll be damned if I get in the way of me
The only thing that's stoppin' me is me
I do it for my dreams
I do it for my God
I do it for myself
I do it for my father
I do it 'till I cave, 'till I fold, 'till I take my last breath
Until there's nothing rising in my chest
Dear diary
Dear diary
Dear diary
Dear diary

[Interlude 1 - spoken]
Does anyone have six months?
(Yeah!)
(Congratulations)
How about one year?
(Dude, that's awesome!)
(Awesome, man)
Anyone got eighteen months?
(Sick)
Does anyone have two or more years?
(Whoo!)
How about three years?
(Yeah)

[Verse 2]
And dear diary
Today just got a little bit tougher
Understand, I'm religious and I pray with my brothers
Sometimes I just can't help but to question my God
Like, like "why my cousin went to be with my mother?"
She was 16 and adolescent
So I question, what's the lesson, I don't see the blessin'
I know you say to trust in you and follow faith, it's all part of the plan
Part of my [?]
But I don't fuckin' understand
I don't get the message
This is fuckin' reckless
Everything's a mess and now I feel like [?], lost his battle with depression
Everything was great and now it's bad
I guess it could be worse I'm sorry for my cursin' I just feel I need some answered questions
But until then I remain to be clean
And so these answers they remain to be seen
I guess it's bigger than me
I guess God needed her more than we
So now I pray that I can see what he sees
Thanks again
Dear diary
Dear diary
Dear diary
Dear diary

[Interlude 2 - spoken]
Anybody celebrating four years tonight?
Thank you, thank you
Um, I guess when I look back at it
Y'know I just kept my faith
In our program, in our God
And I, uh, just did the best I could
Y'know and I been through a lot of stuff, but
Still thankful, every day

[Verse 3]
Dear diary
I'm shakin' while I'm writin' this entry
Picked the pen up, man the Devil he tempted me
With a heart full of pity
I write this letter, write directly to God
Now my Dad got fuckin' throat cancer, this is fuckin' shitty
You done finally pissed me off, I don't fuckin' get it
Tryed to live my life just doin' right, I stayed committed
I was faithful, I was prayin', I was quiet
I stopped askin' why and trusted you
But now you went and fuckin' did it
This is really fucked up
I can't even take it
Cryin' to you, "Jesus please", like I can't even take it
I know they say that you can't have no reservations
But if you take my Dad I swear to you I'll take my faith and break it
This really hurt me God
I got some big resentments
But I'll give it one more shot, I'm here for you, I'm listenin'
My one request is that your message reaches millions
Even if to me you don't reveal it
Thanks again
Dear diary
Dear diary
Dear diary
Dear diary