Deadman

Good morning, please disrobe, I'll be with you in a moment
What seems to be the matter, Mr. Sullivan?

I don't know, doc

Mm-hm

I mean, it's all happening so so fast
My arms hurt, my legs hurt

Eew

I'm dying here

Now turn your head and cough
Please turn your head and cough

Hypochondriac, I'm back with a sore butt crack
I've got scabies and rabies and hair on my back
Oh help me doctor I'm illin', my heart is fillin'
I'm retaining water start bailin' me out
I think I might have gout
Whenever I eat my teeth fall out my mouth
I need surgery, what you don't believe me?
Gimme an MRI, taste my pee
I'm physically sick, I'm not a lunatic
I almost died 'cause I popped a zit
And it kept bleedin', my hairline is receedin'
And I'm allergic to Hallmark greeting cards
Herpes grows in my backyard, I'm a dead man waitin' to happen

I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen

Last night I woke up in a cold sweat
My feet were on fire and my sheets were all wet
I was coughing up phlegm, thinkin' here we go again
Gotta run to the bathroom and get my medicine
I need an inhaler with some codeine
I shouldn't have eaten those kidney beans
Now my stomach's all tore up
And my guts are declaring war on my butt
I got nothin' to lose, nothin' to gain
Feel my gray matter itchin' inside my brain
And I'm drownin' in ear wax, I'm a dead man waitin' to happen

I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen, yeah
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen

Ok, hold on, Mr. Sullivan
I need to check your blood again
And give me your wrist to check your pulse
There's something strange with your results
The blood has changed from red to green
The damnest thing I've ever seen
The good news is there is a cure
The bad news is you'll die for sure
But I can dull the pain
And ease that itchin' inside your brain
Now come here and take a few of these pills
Twenty bucks a pop, I'll put it on your bill
Give me your arm, roll up your sleeve, this will burn a bit
Stay real still, cause if you move, you'll need a tourniquet

What are you doing?

Don't worry, you haven't heard of it

OW!

Yeah, is your stomach turning yet?

Blehh

Good, that means it's workin'

But doc I can't keep my arms from jerkin'
Ayo, what's your final diagnosis?

Honestly, your minute away from comatosis, son

Really?

Well if you want to hear it straight, you're a dead man waitin' to happen

I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen, yeah
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen

If I pass out, don't revive me
I've been waitin' too long to be a dead man, G
I got my first disease when I was three
From a rusty nail stickin' out a toilet seat
I need some pain killers, some tetracycline
A couple of grams of powdered estrogen
To ease up the swellin' in my midsection
I got a broken finger and an ear infection
Plus I got a rash from all this hand clappin'
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen

I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen, yeah
I'm a dead man waitin' to happen

Stick your tongue out and say 'ah'

Aaah..