Day Two

[Alarm Clock]
Who is that?
Who is that?
Emerging from his burrow?
Who can see today what we won’t see until tomorrow?
Shaman of the shadows
[RADIO DJ #1]
Springer of the spring
Come on
[RADIO DJ #1&#2]
Is it a squirrel?
Is it a beaver?
[RADIO DJ #1]
Kinda both
[RADIO DJ #1&#2]
But not quite either!
[RADIO DJ #1]
That’s right, woodchuck-chuckers, it’s
[RADIO DJ #1&#2]
Groundhog Day!
[RADIO DJ #1]
We’re here live from Gobbler’s Knob talking about everything!

[PHIL CONNORS]
Idiots

[RADIO DJ #2]
The weather
[RADIO DJ #1]
Temperature

[PHIL]
You’re playing yesterday’s tape

[RADIO DJ #2]
The weather
[RADIO DJ #1]
It's just nuts!
[RADIO DJ #2]
Totally wacky!

[PHIL]
There’s nothing more depressing than-

[RADIO DJ #1]
February 2nd
[RADIO DJ #2]
I mean what could be crazier than groundhogs in February?
[RADIO DJ #1]
By the way, that’s a great hat you’re wearing
[RADIO DJ #2]
Thanks! I made it myself
[Phone]
Good morning, this is your wake up call

[PHIL]
I didn’t set a wake up call

[Phone]
Happy Groundhog Day!

[PHIL]
Happy Groundho-

[RADIO DJ #1]
There’s talk of a blizzard, how cold would you say it is?

[PHIL]
How many days is this holiday?

[RADIO DJ #2]
Oh, I’m no good at science
Haha
[RADIO DJ #1]
You know, you lose up to eighty percent of your body heat through your head?

[PHIL]
Blah blah blah blah blah blah-blah blah-blah
You’re so fired

[RADIO DJ #1]
..have a good education?
[RADIO DJ #2]
Punxsutawney High!
[RADIO DJ #1&#2]
Gooooo Chucks!

[PHIL]
Go Penn State!

[RADIO DJ #2]
Oh, I’m still hungover

[PHIL]
God damn amateurs

[RADIO DJ #1]
But right now, the question on everyone’s lips

[PHIL & DJ #2]
Chapped lips

[RADIO DJ #1]
Do you think Phil will see his shadow?

[PHIL]
Yes he did

[RADIO DJ #1]
What’s your prediction?

[PHIL]
I predict your unemployment

[RADIO DJ #2]
I predict a whole day of celebration!

[PHIL]
There’s nothing more depressing than
Small towns

[RADIO DJ #1]
People come back year after year

[PHIL]
Tiny minds
I’ll tell Larry
To take the 210 via Beyer and Keystone Lake
If we hurry
I’ll be drinking decent coffee by nine or even half past eight
And never again will I wake in the morning in
Punx

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Punxsutawney

[PHIL & TOWNSPEOPLE]
Ba-da-bup-bup-ba

[PHIL]
Suck my balls, I’m out!

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Punxsutawney
Pennsylvania
USA
Aaaaaaahhh

[PHIL]
Okay
One: I’m still sleeping and this, I’m just dreaming it
Two: it’s a prank and everyone’s in on it
Three: it’s a flashback from when I was twenty and
Ate magic mushrooms and thought I was Aquaman
Four: it’s some kind of reality show about
Forecasters, bad bed and breakfasts, and snow
Five: I’ve had a stroke and lost my memory
Of the year since last Groundhog Day
Come on, Phil, wake up
Get it together
It must be the weather

[PHIL]
It must be the stress
I just need a moment, I just need a rest
[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Punxsutawney
Is a little town
With a heart as big as any town
[TOWNSPEOPLE]
As any small town in the USA
And there is no town greater than
Punxsutawney on Groundhog
Groundhog
Groundhog

Who is that?
Who is that?
Emerging from his burrow?
Who can see today what we won’t see until tomorrow?
Shaman of the shadows
Springer of the spring
Is it a squirrel?
Is it a beaver?

[BUSTER]
Kinda both
But not quite either!

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
All the meteorologists
The world has ever known
Cannot match this little guy’s uncanny skill
We can guess but we won’t know
If we should dress for sun or snow
Until we hear it from Punxsutawney Phil

[PHIL]
I’m going back to bed!

[RITA HANSON]
February 2nd
First remote broadcast
GHD in Punx, PA
Working with Phil Connors
They all told me he would be an asshole
And he is
I mean he acts kinda asshole-ish still
I think he might be
Mentally ill

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Tomorrow
Spring will come, and then
There will be blue skies, my friend
Bright eyes and laughter

[RITA]
Unexpected weather
Seems we’re staying here for another night
Which is kinda fine
[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Tomorrow
There will be sun
And if not tomorrow, perhaps the day aaa-