Dancing Plague

CONTESTANTS:
DANCING PLAGUE
DANCING PLAGUE

POST-MEDIEVAL RATS
AND HILARIOUS FRENCH HATS
AND ALSO CERTAIN DEATH

(The commentators town cry.)

(MO bends over with head in the stocks. Perpendicular angle.)

SAMSON:
Anon Noble Lords, Noble Ladies of Strasbourg!

MO:
Bourg bourg bourg bourg—

SAMSON:
How fairest thee all?

(Collective groans/boos/hisses from the contestants/dancers.)

JAYNIE:
That means “good” in feudal French!

CONTESTANTS:
IF I WAS SIXTEEN
IN 1518
I’D ALREADY BE HALF DEAD

SO DANCE ME TO DEATH
I’M READY

(ELLIE & ZANDER are on a positive feedback loop of motion and
Adrenaline.)

ELLIE & ZANDER:
THIS IS INCREDIBLE
I’VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE

ELLIE:
I FEEL GOOD

ZANDER:
YOU FEEL GOOD?

ELLIE:
YES I DO

ZANDER:
SO DO I

ELLIE:
THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD

JAYNIE:
Historical Fact: In 1518, a mass hysteria swept Strasbourg, France

MO:
A dancing plague

SAMSON:
The Strasbourg Municipal Council did, for the sake of the common justice, make guildhalls so the afflicted souls might caper then to music!

JAYNIE:
And thus not suffer idly writhing awkwardly

MO:
Silently so silently silently

SAMSON:
If they by dance must march towards their demise, 'tis fitting to set their end to song

JAYNIE:
ATTEND as the afflicted in their adrenaline-addled madness dance their hearts out!

SAMSON:
Tis no crime to stare!

MO:
I would stare too

CONTESTANTS:
DANCING PLAGUE
DANCING PLAGUE

ELLIE & ZANDER:
WHY DO THEY COMPLAIN
THIS IS BETTER THAN COCAINE

CONTESTANTS:
DANCING TO OUR DEATH

SAMSON:
Poor abused Europe just stricken by the Plague of Bubonic

JAYNIE:
The Black Death

SAMSON:
Twas one rough “Dark Ages.”

JAYNIE:
At least this plague has fewer rats
(As the rats nibble at MO’s feet.)

MO:
Fewer rats doesn’t mean no rats!

JAYNIE:
Don’t squirm

CONTESTANTS:
IF I WAS SIXTEEN
IN 1518
I’D ALREADY BE HALF DEAD
SO DANCE ME TO DEATH
I’M READY

GRACE:
HOW DID YOU GET IT?

TYE:
I GOT IT FROM MY MOM
FA LA LA LA LA
HOW DID YOU GET IT?

HARPER:
I GOT IT FROM THE MEAT
FA LA LA LA LA

JANELLE:
YOU LOOK SO SWEET
WHEN YOU DANCE MEDIEVALLY
FA LA LA LA LA

HARPER:
FA LA LA LA LA...
Not here Janelle!

JANELLE:
Sorry

SAMSON:
Tis no crime to throw rotten vegetables!

JAYNIE:
Yet your aim must be precise and your arm quick, for those stricken by dance shall never
Stop nor rest they in a single fixèd place

SAMSON:
Wherefore be it not right to throw rocks?

DAKOTA:
HOW DID YOU GET IT?

JANELLE:
MAYBE FROM A FRIEND
OH MY GOD CYRUS
DID I GET THIS FROM YOU?

CYRUS:
HOW DID YOU GET IT?

ROYSHANNA:
MAYBE FROM THE WEED
FA LA LA LA LA

DAKOTA, ROYSHANNA & NICKI:
GIVE ME A PIE
AND A FLAGON OF MEAD
FA LA LA LA LA
FA LA LA LA LA
FA LA LA LA LA

(SAMSON ducks a rotten tomato.)

SAMSON:
Soft you now, what was that?

JAYNIE:
A rotten tomato?

SAMSON:
Nay not at us. Tis not us whom you should catapult with rotten vegetables!

JAYNIE:
Tarry Nave! Cans't thou do no better than a rotten tomato?!

MO:
How about throwing a goose? A succulent goose!

(SAMSON ducks a rock.)

SAMSON:
Was that a rock?

ELLIE & ZANDER:
THIS IS INCREDIBLE
I’VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE
MY BRAIN CHEMICALS
ARE COOKING IN OVERDRIVE

(SPRINT SIREN and strobe light)

JAYNIE
Hold fast, and hark! We entereth a sprint!

ELLIE & ZANDER:
KEEP GOING KEEP GOING GOING
I’LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN
KEEP GOING KEEP GOING GOING
I’M USING LIKE 98% OF MY BRAIN
KEEP GOING KEEP GOING GOING
MY MIND IS UNSTUCK IN TIME

CONTESTANTS:
MY ARM HAS A MIND OF IT’S OWN
MY LEG IS DOING THINGS I DON’T THINK A LEG SHOULD DO
I KEEP TELLING MY HIPS TO STOP BUT THEY DON’T STOP
THEY WON’T STOP
I DON’T WANNA BE A ZOMBIE ZOMBIE
I DON’T WANNA TEAR MYSELF APART
WHAT IF THERE’S HAIR
WHAT IF THERE’S BLOOD
WHAT IF THERE’S ALL SORTS OF GOOEY STUFF I DON’T RECOGNIZE

(ELLIE and ZANDER are dancing themselves nearly to heart attacks.)

SAMSON:
Why act they thus?

JAYNIE:
I understand not what they do...

MO:
Yeah what are they doing? No really – someone tell me - I can’t see anything bent over at this angle

CONTESTANTS:
THEY’RE SPEEDING UP

ELLIE & ZANDER:
EXCELLENCE

CONTESTANTS:
THEY’RE GOING NUTS

ELLIE & ZANDER:
ACCELERATED

CONTESTANTS:
THEY’RE SPAZZING OUT
THEY’RE BLACKING OUT

ELLIE & ZANDER:
ACCELERATED EXCELLENCE

DJ:
THE METAPHOR COULDN’T BE CLEARER!
(DJ hits the AIR HORN.)