Contraception

[Verse]
This is not the shit to dance around and go get lit to
This the shit for laying down in pain when feelings hit you
This the tape you play when no one fucking understands
This the shit you won't get if you got a hundred bands
No bands, just pop pills, no xans, and fuse it with some booze
I've been tryna die in silence, fuck making the news
Robin, Kurt, and me, our heads share dread, but not our hair
Thoughts locked in, they're never leaving, trapped in the despair
Got no bitches, nihilism is my only mistress/
My words act as blocks and torches, build and burning bridges
Heart is feeling frigid, and I think my stomach's missing
Put thoughts in a song because in person no one listens
Say this shit is in my mind, say i should be happier
Say you know the feeling but I feel like you're just yappin' here
Everyone got problems, but our lives won't be the same
Glad you're living good but your life ain't gon' ease my pain
Know that you're just tryna help, but I'm not lying to myself
Faking confidence until it's real isn't my kinda health
Every time I say why I ain't happy and I can't be
I can see the face of apathy, no one can stand me
I'm not tryna push people away, just stating feelings
Some of those are skeptical and say there ain't no healing
People give up on me since I gave up on me too so
I end up feeling more hurt and lonely than I do
Thought about a fake ID so I could get some vodka shots
Just to slow my brain down since my scattered thoughts like polka dots
Tryna be adult and fix my problems without chemicals
Shits hard to resist, I'm tryna stick to academics though
Since my youngest days I've contemplated what I'm worth
If I deserve life and why my family seems cursed
Everyone hates one another, all I hear is accusations
Grandma, sister, mom,and dad all call each other Satan
My dad told me mom lied about the pill then she got pregnant
Just so my dad had reason to stay instead of leave her
My conceptions based around my moms false contraception
So really all i'm worth is a bargaining chip breathing